I do think my experiment was successful in helping me to start letting go of the past in order to move powerfully forward. This phase of my career transition has actually gone fairly smoothly and I attribute a lot of my relative equilibrium to my sadana practice and this YTT in general. The recognition of the need for more discipline in my life and the desire to take that on and follow-through is another positive result of this experiment. In addition, I have a couple of weeks off before I return to school part-time and my kids are out of school for the summer. I look forward to utilizing this time to commit to a daily 5:30 wake-up and sadana practice. I think it will be easier with the weight of my old job behind me.
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I got home from my “missed appointment” and debated: 1)getting right to work on my personal experiment paper; 2)hitting a yoga class then getting to work on my paper; 3) napping; 4)going for a hike now, paper later. I chose the hike.
I headed up to Matthews/Winters Park, adjacent to Red Rocks. It is possibly my favorite spot in Denver, maybe even Colorado, maybe even the world. J I was once asked, “Where do you feel most alive? Where do you feel you are your best self?” It is this place. At the top of the wind-swept mesa, looking out at the Hog’s Back, part of a red rock ridge that stretches from Wyoming to Mexico; Green Mountain across the road, Mt. Evans in the distance. And most striking for me, an amazing view of Ship Rock and Creation Rock, the anchors of the incomparable Red Rocks Amphitheater. This is where I came to meditate before I “knew how” to meditate: sitting on a weathered rock, under a limber pine, observing my breath and feeling my heartbeat.
So today I took my seat, softened my eyes and breathed in the power, timelessness, beauty and vibrations of this spot. I exhaled my remaining, resentment, frustration, confusion, and anger toward my old job, old relationships, and their worn out stories. The first day of the rest of my life was looking up!
Sometimes it’s the little things that make a big difference. This Axis Yoga Teacher Training student writes an account of the power of recognizing our choice to shine rather than hide in the clouds. The results of this light-hearted experiment show us the exponential impact that these choices can make as we inspire others to smile.
Throughout my life I have dealt with depression. Not a constant feeling but on and off over the years. I especially feel down around the female fun time. Not only then but I especially get negativity flowing pretty forcefully when I drive in heavy traffic. Considering I live in the city, I drive fairly often. When in doubt, I try to walk or ride my bike as much as possible. When your job requires you to drive 50 plus miles, riding a bike is not always the best option. This experiment was for me to replace any thoughts, expressions, and verbal negativity with positivity. It was time to not dwell on the negative things that happened to me or around me.
I knew that I was going to have to play tricks on my mind, in a sense. I wasnʼt going to be able to just think happy thoughts. Happy thoughts are definitely a good start but I was looking for something with a quicker effect to the body and brain. My first night on the transformation, I prepared my tools. I made what I like to call a Smile Jar. In this large jar I typed up and cut out strips of positive affirmations, fun facts, funny rules, and other sayings that would make me smile. Once everyday I have taken a note out and read it. Sometimes I would put it on my fridge or place it somewhere in my car to read. This morning task was not only fun to make but has put a small enjoyment into the beginning of my day. I also encourage visitors to take a positive note from the jar. The rule though is if they take one, they must write down a positive note of their own and place it in the Smile Jar. I apparently have inspired others with this idea after posting the idea online. Which in return has made me feel great because who doesnʼt want to inspire others in a positive light.
Smile Jars are great way to start the day but what could I do through evening rush-hour? I downloaded an app to my phone called Happier. Itʼs a social media site where people post only positive things that they are feeling or that they have experienced. I heart this site! Not only is it wonderful to read other strangers positive life events but it helps me think of something good that is going on in my life.
Now that’s a hard thing to do. Sometimes our expectations are high, sometimes we don’t even know we have them. But they tend to frame the experiences we have. In the following account, an Axis YTT student works to re-establish a meditation practice. It is expectation of both past and future experiences that cloud this student’s vision of success. And in a little twist, it is the meditation that reveals that their expectation of Self was not matching with their actual behavior. Read on…
For my personal experiment I wanted to develop a consistent meditation practice. The first time I meditated was eleven months ago. I had this overwhelming need inside of me to meditate, even though I did not know how to meditate and did not know any one personally who meditated. So I began to meditate intuitively. I would sit at random hours of the day, I would use music and crystals during my meditations. I immediately began to have “interesting experiences” for lack of a better description. These experiences included but not limited to: intense spinning sensations, floating sensation, strong vibration, seeing lights and colors in my head, seeing geometry flying in my head, seeing the universe so clearly I felt I was floating in the midst of it and having what seemed like an external force pushing my body in all directions (should I have resisted it would have required muscle engagement). I practiced pretty consistently for about three months. My practice was partly driven by these “interesting experiences” I was having but was initiated for spiritual growth. Then I started working as a nurse full time and my practice started to dwindle. I wanted to maintain it, so I set my alarm, when it went off, I would literally roll out of bed, take a seat and meditate. This was not effective, I would doze off most of the time. Then I thought I would meditate before bed, this too was not effective as I was not consistent with it. And eventually I was not meditating at all.
So my experiment was around developing a consistent meditation practice that I could integrate into my lifestyle. My plan was to set my alarm for five thirty, get out of bed, go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, splash cold water on my face, change clothes and then sit for ten to fifteen minutes. For the meditation, I planned to start with some breathing, a mantra, then just sit in silence, and end with gratitude. For these couple of weeks I was able to accomplish all of this except I did not change my clothes. I found I really loved to splash the cold water on my face, I felt so refreshed afterwards. The breathing I did was just full deep breaths visualizing the breath entering and exiting my body. This helped me to come into my body and helped my mind to become present in the moment. I chose two different mantras to use. These mantras are Sanskrit mantras, they are sayings that I had artistically written out and put on my wall. I got these from Charles F. Haanel and they resonate with my being. The first is “I can be what I will to be” and the second is “I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy.” I would say each of these many times and eventually when it felt right I would sit in silence. The goal was to silence my mind, but that is a work in progress for me. Often my mind wanders, but when I become aware of that, I bring my mind back to silence. I would sit for around ten to fifteen minutes. Then I would end with expressions of gratitude. That was my practice for these past weeks and I am happy to say that I did it every single day.
Even though I accomplished practicing every day, it did not come without its struggles. The most notable one being getting up in the morning. I made a point to get to bed earlier but I still struggled. I did fine getting up the first couple of days and then it started getting harder for me. I would wake up tired and I just wanted to stay in bed a little bit longer. The next thing I struggled with was letting go of the “interesting experience” I had experienced previously. I had not only began to expect having those experiences but I wanted to have those experiences. I enjoyed them and had placed some spiritual significance onto them. I worked to let that expectation go because that is not what meditation is about and I don’t want to be attached to it that way. But it is hard for me to let it go because to me those experiences were very enjoyable and a part of me thinks if I do not have those experiences I am not meditating correctly. I do not know why I have that belief but that belief is there. So for this experiment I wanted it to be okay with myself to just sit and be knowing that that was enough. I am still working on that.
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The Denver Yoga Underground began in 2003 at the request of dedicated students who wanted to study yoga as a holistic system. Over the years, a diversity of people, seeking education outside of a studio, found a welcome refuge in DYU.
Today we specialize in grassroots Pay What You Can workshops, accessible retreats and our signature yoga teacher training, for the outlier yogi.
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Denver Yoga Underground Director:
Derik Eselius ~ 720.934.6934
Training Location:
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Derik Eselius ~ 720.934.6934
Training Location:
Sixth Ave. UCC 3250 E. 6th Ave