Let Go of Expectations: Past
For my personal experiment I wanted to develop a consistent meditation practice. The first time I meditated was eleven months ago. I had this overwhelming need inside of me to meditate, even though I did not know how to meditate and did not know any one personally who meditated. So I began to meditate intuitively. I would sit at random hours of the day, I would use music and crystals during my meditations. I immediately began to have “interesting experiences” for lack of a better description. These experiences included but not limited to: intense spinning sensations, floating sensation, strong vibration, seeing lights and colors in my head, seeing geometry flying in my head, seeing the universe so clearly I felt I was floating in the midst of it and having what seemed like an external force pushing my body in all directions (should I have resisted it would have required muscle engagement). I practiced pretty consistently for about three months. My practice was partly driven by these “interesting experiences” I was having but was initiated for spiritual growth. Then I started working as a nurse full time and my practice started to dwindle. I wanted to maintain it, so I set my alarm, when it went off, I would literally roll out of bed, take a seat and meditate. This was not effective, I would doze off most of the time. Then I thought I would meditate before bed, this too was not effective as I was not consistent with it. And eventually I was not meditating at all.