Tag Archive for: instructor

Big Results: Plan A

My initial plan for the experiment was to do more service and incorporate it into my everyday life as much as possible.  I know that doing things for others is the best way to make yourself happy. It is also something I’ve always felt compelled to do. But, it is also something I get anxiety over. For example, I’ll think I should go help that person with their groceries, but then I’ll talk myself out of it by telling myself things like they don’t want your help and you’ll look stupid. Then I’ll just feel really bad. 

So I started out feeling nervous. I did small things for other people and really had to fight that negative inner dialogue. It was mentally exhausting. I felt like an asshole and kind of crazy as well. Not a great start.  Then life added to the mix made things even more difficult. 

The end of April and early May is a very difficult time for me emotionally and mentally. I was having a hard time coping with life in general and began shutting down.  When depressed, maintaining the status quo is where all my energy and focus has to go. So my experiment fell to the wayside. I felt guilt but rationalized I’m doing the best I can and maybe this isn’t the best time in my life for this experiment. I can always try again, it doesn’t have to be just for yoga teacher training.

/by

Big Results: Plan B

 A little less than a week before our experiments were due, my annual depression had passed. Unfortunately, my experiment was a complete miss as a result.  I wanted to at least try something else so I could have something to report back on. I was granted an extension so I could try another route.

I wanted it to be simple. I chose to meditate every day.  The challenge with this goal, I soon found out was fitting it into my day. I really needed to do in the morning as I live in an apartment and it’s way too noisy in the evenings. This required waking up on time to allow time. I didn’t do it every day like I wanted, but I did meditate more frequently than I ever have before.

/by

Big Results: Discovering a Difference

 Without this experiment I doubt I would have worked up to meditating as much I did, even though it wasn’t every day like I wanted.  The quality of my focus during meditation and my ability to sit still during became noticeably better. My patience increased even more at work (yoga teacher training had already helped greatly). This makes me so happy, it also makes me feel powerful as well; that I can control my emotions and reactions. It made me better at my job as a nanny. I had added intention on being as nurturing as possible in every action towards these children. I noticed during this week the kids were so much more affectionate and sweet, which gave me so much joy. I think this was a result of them reacting to my energy and us becoming even closer.

I also noticed at times I would say to myself “this is a situation where I would normally be feeling anxiety, but I’m not.”  This is wonderful because, the obvious, no anxiety, but I also was able to be aware of the fact that I wasn’t feeling it.  I was able to appreciate the growth that was happening and give myself a mental pat on the back.  That is a great feeling.

/by

Big Results: Subtle Success!

I really didn’t want to write this paper.  Beforehand, I felt like I had failed (I hate that word) not only once, but twice. While writing more and more things came to me that I accomplished during and because of the experiment. Just because they were subtle doesn’t lessen their impact on me (or those around me!) It’s normal to want drastic results and be disappointed when you don’t see them. Although they are small changes, they are very meaningful and I’m filled with gratitude.

/by

Taming the Morning Monster

It’s one thing to not be a morning person, but some of us can turn into a real monster when it’s time to get up. And the effects on our life can be just as ugly. This Axis Yoga Teacher Training student tells how addressing one’s dosha can tame the monster within.

 

/by

Morning Monster: One Eye Open

During the course of our studying Ayurveda I found I had an overwhelming identification with Kapha. I came to find that what I had been told before, that my Dosha was primarily Kapha, turned out to be true. I have made many changes to my lifestyle in the past that have addressed these Kapha tendencies unbeknownst to myself as measures of self discovery in my yoga journey thus far, and now here I was presented with the opportunity to address another layer in my experiment! I found that some little habits I held near and dear after giving up so many other things on my journey thus far fell squarely into the category of creature comforts in my mind, even though they did not benefit me. Things like cheese before bed for example (oh and did I mention late at night?). Since I was experiencing a bit of self-improvement fatigue at the time of devising our experiment, I was very reluctant to rock the boat too much. Therefore I designed an experiment that I thought would “softly” address my Kapha imbalance.

I have historically had a hard time waking up, and am quite frankly a bit of a monster in the morning. There have been short periods of time when this has not been true, but overall it has been a widely known and accepted fact among those nearest and dearest to me. It’s really kind of embarrassing and has caused quite a bit of unnecessary stress in my life for all the obvious reasons. I hypothesized that if I could address my Kapha imbalance in some manner, I would wake up with more ease and experience less stress and shame around my sleeping in tendencies. I thought that a Kapha reducing diet would probably help but I tend to have a real problem with the framing of “I can’t do this” or “I can’t do that” specifically around food and diet. So instead of instituting a Kapha reducing diet and focusing on what I could or could not eat, I decided to institute a mindful eating approach so as to let my body intuitively tell me what it wanted and how much it wanted. I set an intention of not eating late at night and to have my meals in peace and quiet (not in front of the computer or tv) and to slow down while eating. In theory I guessed that this would help address some of my Kapha like cravings and my diet would self correct. I also was interested in trying some self care Ayurveda actions out so I added a few routine items like drinking water first thing in the morning instead of coffee, oil pulling because I was curious about it, and last but not least foot massage with oil at night to help me get to sleep earlier.

/by

Morning Monster: A Little Movement

My first week with the concentration on eating mindfully was a great success! I put a little more thought and energy into planning my meals so I would want to enjoy them in peace and quiet. I intentionally slowed down while eating which produced the results I thought it would, I ate only as much as I needed and discovered that my body would let me know what it needed. Instead of craving dairy or Kapha increasing foods, I found I instinctively wanted more fresh fruits and vegetables. A couple of mornings I found myself getting up with my alarm the first time it went off, having my water first thing and starting my morning routine with a lot more energy and vigor. I also noticed that I had a more sustained energy throughout the day and didn’t crave as much snack like junk food during working hours.

/by

Morning Monster: Hit the Snooze

During the second week of the experiment I became disheartened when I realized that I was starting to quantify my mindful eating efforts by whether or not there was a physical difference in my body shape and weight. During this time I continued to be more mindful about preparing my meals, but started to fall back into patterns of eating in front the computer at work, which I judged myself unnecessarily for. I also noticed that I was shutting down around the mindful eating practice as a perfectionistic response and experienced some resistance to the negative emotional charge it brought up in terms of quantifying it’s effects on my body. In order to allow myself some gentleness and space I switched my tactic to observing mode. Here is where I learned the most. I let myself eat what I wanted when I wanted, but this time it was driven more by stressful habits and my normal routine than by mindfulness and restraint. I refrained from judgement however and tried to shift into observation mode when I noticed these things.

 

/by

Morning Monster: Trying Again

I noted that when I indulged in my creature comfort of snacking on cheese late at night for example, it did make it harder than normal to get up the next morning, in addition I would have more congestion and allergy symptoms. Also when I checked my tongue the following morning it did have residue indicating it wasn’t digested completely. I took note that when I ate spicy foods, my congestion and allergy symptoms were alleviated, or when I didn’t eat late at night it was easier to get up in the morning and my allergy symptoms would be better. I checked my tongue periodically and noticed that I could indeed see a correlation between Kapha reducing foods and Kapha increasing foods. I tried various times to reframe the food types I should moderate or avoid by looking at the chart in the book and only reading the things that were Kapha reducing and thinking “Okay I can have all this great food!” for future reference to give my brain some good associations with foods that are good for my Dosha. I also determined during this observation time that a Kapha reducing flow in the morning would really serve me well. I tried it at night and found it to be too energizing but it would be a great way to start my day. I have not implemented that yet on a regular basis, but I plan to try.

I really enjoyed the oil pulling, and though I was suspicious of it at first, my curiosity got the better of me. I quickly saw the benefits to my teeth and gums. It was a great success for me in that it was the one consistent part of my experiment and routine that had only positive associations and something I will carry forward. It felt like such a nice intentional form of self-care. I also loved the foot massage at night. I did it probably a couple of times a week and used almond oil, sometimes with a few drops of lavender essential oil. I find my mind is usually racing before bed and keeps me up quite late (which is usually when I want a snack), the foot massage really helped to calm that down and bring me into a sweet relaxation. It is something I will definitely use again in the future. Drinking water first thing in the morning was very helpful and something that started my days off on a better wavelength than having coffee the first thing.

 

/by

Morning Monster: Both Eyes Open

Overall I learned so much from observing my mind’s struggle with the mere idea of implementing more Kapha reducing practices in my diet and lifestyle. I came to appreciate in a whole new way my struggles with body image and how that is connected to feeding myself. I don’t think I have ever given space to that topic to air those complexities and so I am very grateful for the new awareness and for my intuitive wisdom to take it easy and observe. From that departure I learned so much about how judgment, shame and perfectionism are wrapped up in my struggles with food and body image. I truly believe in the beneficial effects of mindful eating and I know that approaching it from a non-judgemental framework would benefit me in the future. In the future I would like to implement a morning routine for myself that includes a Kapha reducing flow, and to try adding some Kapha reducing foods in my diet.

 

/by