Deepening Connection: Introduction

The experiment related to Brahmacharaya and it’s application to my life as a married person.  This yama was chosen randomly, as the group size was the smallest and therefore, most appealing to me personally.  In recognizing that the concept of Brahmacharaya is essentially explained by Pantanjali  as abstinence of sexual behavior with the intention to redirect creative energies toward higher spiritual purposes, I recognized that this would require some modification in my married situation.  As my husband is also in the same group, we collaborated on this project and in this experiment. 

Pantanjali ‘s description of Bramacharaya is chastity and continence, which is traditionally interpreted as celibacy, but is also described as moderation or control of the senses.  After careful consideration of how these concepts may be applied to married couples, my husband and I decided that we would embark upon the experiment with regard to the purity of intention and sense of moderation which occurs from neither over-indulgence nor abstinence in sexuality.  Furthermore, considering that some of Pantanjali’s concepts, such as Bramacharaya, are contextualized for his social and cultural time in history, we maintained that this yama can be applied within the context of our own relationship, by practicing intentional “mindful and lovingness” towards one another within our relationship.   B.K. Iyengar, also interpreted that Bramacharaya need not necessarily consist of abstinence in the physical manner.  He indicated within his writings that one can practice Bramacharaya within a marriage by being mindful and loving in the relationship.

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Deepening Connection Experiment

The hypothesis developed by myself and my husband is, “If we practice mindfulness within our relationship (which includes creating a spiritual intention for shared space, time, intimacy/sexuality) and apply principles of chastity in the sense of purity, specifically purity of intention through mindful lovingness, then we will experience a deeper connection to the divine through mutual shared and selfless devotion to God within our relationship”. 

The experiment interestingly resulted in an increase in awareness to the “energy drains” on our lives including housekeeping, organization of time, personal relationships outside of the marriage, and work.  Additionally, we realized that in order to participate in the act of mindful intimacy and lovingness, we needed to unencumber our minds with worldly concerns, worries and barriers.  Further, we tended to “unfinished” business and projects within our home, essentially clearing stagnant energy while tending to our “bedroom” space.   Through the commitment of attending yoga classes together, reading discussing and planning our spiritual growth both individually and as a couple, we have increased our participation in each other’s lives on a spiritual and physical level.  To deepen this connection through the application of the experiment, we have taken greater steps towards building a more sustainable spiritual and emotional lifestyle.   In terms of the actual application of practicing moderation and chastity within the relationship, I believe that we are still working towards what that might look like as we continue to develop from within.  We have definitely increased our discussions around our sexual practices, present levels of emotional intimacy, spiritual connection to one another & God, and our intentions for our relationship on a day-to-day basis.

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Deepening Connection Journal Entries

Sitting in a gas station, my husband and I began a discussion of our sexual practices — the frequency, quality, spiritual aspects and satisfaction of these practices.  I realized that this conversation was very “large” and almost too intense to have in one setting.  We realized that this would be one of many conversations on this topic, and that there were many aspects of our relationship which affect our sexuality – one being our spiritual life.  I began to realize that by strengthening my own spiritual practices, I would have more insight and intentionality to my intimate connection to my husband on a physical, spiritual, psychological and emotional level. The location of our first discussion of such an intimate topic — a gas station, I realized was indicative of how busy we are and how little time we devote to our personal lives together,  particularly the spiritual and sexual connection we have.

I began to realize how disheveled our bedroom was, and began to desire to clean it up as well as  apply some intentional “love” to the beautification of our surroundings.  In many ways our bedroom is beautiful, but was somewhat ignored and in some ways, I realized that was a metaphor for our own lives as two people who are always doing, always giving, always there for others — but we were neglecting our own loving and intimate space, both within our home (bedroom) as well as within our interpersonal relationship.  I kept asking myself how we could integrate the divine into our lives without it seeming weird.  I know it isn’t weird, really, but it’s not something I regularly thought about.  Starting to point out these connections, initially, it seemed that my husband was focusing on my pointing out the deficiencies in our relationship, rather than seeing the “energy drains”.  I literally took him through the house and pointed out how we are losing emotional energy — I think he saw it as potentially more work.  I realized that I was tapping into a third eye of sorts and was very focused on finding the truth about what I needed to do/change or think about our situation.

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Deepening Connection Journal Entries (Con’t)

We had unexpected house guests, including two 5 year-old twins.  I felt drained and overwhelmed almost the entire time that we had to do this assignment.  I viewed it as an opportunity to learn more about what it is that I needed to “learn” and found out that I am not  taking enough time to find the divine in the every day, meditating enough, focusing on what is right, existing intentionally within the chaos.  This became my mantra – exist calmly and     intentionally within the chaos –  particularly applied towards my relationship with my husband and the divine – and of course, with myself as well.

After many discussions with my husband about Bramacharaya, we discovered a tremendous amount of information.  Particularly that many of the other yamas and neyamas are also called  into focus and that as we focus on increasing the intentionality of our time and space together, we must also attend to other priorities as they arise.  I am realizing that many areas of my life are affected by what seems to be a narrow focus – by focusing on Bramacharaya, many other aspects of my life are being affected.  It feels as if I am lifting the “rock” of my life and seeing all the worms and bugs squiggle around.  At first glance, it’s gross and overwhelming, but then when you look long enough, you recognize that they’re just bugs and that there is some kind of divine intelligence to the life under the rock and feel better about it knowing it’s there.  In my personal case, I’d continue on the path of creating the life that my husband and I want through the development of a lifestyle that is pure, loving, intentional and includes the divine within.

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Deepening Connection: Conclusion

In conclusion, I feel “out of time”, but this experiment has really caused a chain of events which has increased my awareness of my own self as well as deepened my connection with my husband.  In many ways, we are still trying out new ideas, practices, and behaviors.  Bramacharaya has increased my energy and focus for my relationship and I am more committed to welcoming the divine into my relationship through practice, stillness and intention.

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Student Explores Truthfulness

As part of Denver’s Axis Yoga teacher training program, students experiment with different yogic principles by applying them to their lives. This student chose to experiment with satya: truthfulness, word and thought in conformity with the facts. She thought, “If I can live my daily life in a way that is synergistic with Satya, life will be much simpler and my moral self will no longer be compromised. I must remember that although I am practicing Satya, Ahimsa (non-violence) must also be exercised.”

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Exploring Truthfulness: Introduction

When we first began exploring the Yamas my initial thought was, “how am I going to just pick one, I really need help in all of these areas.” Being faced with that reality presented me with a myriad of emotions. I felt shame, amusement, embarrassment, but above all else my ego felt humbled. Rarely do we take a step back assess our shortcomings and live a more conscious life. There is nothing more painfully poignant than actually peeling back the layers of self to realize what actually lies inside. After the emotion subsided I decided which of these Yamas I would attempt to follow. Immediately I was drawn to Satya. As I reflected on this choice I realized that not only to I embellish and tell white lies daily, I also exhibit a non-truthful way of life internally as well.  It also became blazingly clear that there was going to be no way for me to separate Satya from Ahimsa.  Being completely truthful often comes with a fair amount of harm, how would I be both externally and internally truthful without creating pain for myself or others?

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Exploring Truthfulness: Experiment

I have decided to break my experiment into two easy lists successes and failures. I wanted to have something that was tangibly quantifiable. I knew that this experiment was going to be difficult for me, but as stated earlier, I KNEW that Satya would be a great challenge for me. To give you a bit of insight into my personality; yes the one I have lived with and developed for 29 years, I am an embellisher. I have never been able to directly trace why this trait developed. My best guess is that is directly correlated to my lack of siblings. As an only child there is a fair amount of time devoted to self-entertaining. I have also always had a natural ability and confidence to tell stories, this is a skill that have honed over the years; however, my stories are always the truth, peppered with a bit of the extraordinary. Now, we can move onto the experiment.

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Practicing Truthfulness: Successes

Upon reflecting over the last few weeks I realized that I did not find a lot of success with this project. This is not a self deprecating statement, but more of a reality which I will expound upon in my failures analysis. One success that I did find however was simply living my life more consciously. I never realized how many white lies I told over the course of a day until I actually had to try and stop doing it. Between the white lies and the embellishments 90% of my day seemed steeped in both illusion and delusion. This was humbling to say the very least.

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Practicing Truthfulness: Failures

First and foremost I did not commit to this experiment nearly as much as I should have or wanted to. For the first week I focused quite diligently, really focusing on how I was forming my sentences and being concise in the words that I spoke. As time passed I found my focus drifting into deepening my Sadahna and Asana practice, and thinking less and less about Satya. As I strayed further and further away from the task at hand I became increasingly frustrated with my lack of ability to follow this Yama. I found myself lying internally as the frustration sank in. I told myself that was too busy deepening other portions of the training that I deemed ‘more important.’ However, it seems more that I simply dif not want to see this ugly side of my personality and any excuse that I could make in order to not face it was fine, and I sure found them. Perhaps learning this was a success and not a failure overall.

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