I definitely believe practicing pranayama almost every morning grounded me greatly in becoming aware of my feelings and thoughts. Admittingly, I was skeptical that something so simple held so much worth. Out of it all, I would really like to be nicer to myself. The immediate judgment and uncertainty throughout didn’t serve me especially since I journeyed to a good place. But it is like anything else that a person needs in order to see change – it takes practice, patience and perseverance – and the journey is far from over…
Tag Archive for: Tapas
In an experiment on the niyama (yogic observance), tapas (austerity), this Axis Yoga Teacher Training student found transformation. This student used the power of Yoga to move from “stressed, anxious and drowsy to refreshed, grounded, and calm.”
One month ago I was living an unsustainable lifestyle. I awoke feeling exhausted, often hitting the snooze button “just one more time” two or three times in a row. Then, finally coming to, I would stumble to the kitchen to make coffee. At the end of the first cup of coffee, I could feel my eyes opening but by the end of the third cup, I felt exhausted again. That was my daily ritual, my previous attempt at sadhana.
I began this experiment because I was drawn to the word tapas and the concept that heat could somehow change deeply rooted habits, samskaras. As I puzzled over this complex philosophy in the weeks leading up to the experiment, I found myself unable to understand the correlation between a word meaning heat and the concept of austerity. I devoted myself to try and crack the meaning behind this elusive term by committing to remove mind-altering substances (caffeine, alcohol, sugar, etc) from my life.
When I committed to remove caffeine, alcohol and sugar from my diet, I knew that I would need to fill the emotional and habitual void with a new practice. Thus I began practicing the four purifications, a pranayama breathing practice, followed by a period of meditation every morning. This new ritual quickly became one of the best parts of my day. I started creating a rigid sleep schedule for myself based on my Ayurvedic body type and found that I was energetic when I woke up and began to prepare for meditation. That was a real novelty compared to the groggy hour or two I had been accustomed to before.
As time went on I continued my morning practice, I found that my energy would vary dramatically from day to say. Some days I would experience a surge of energy through my subtle body channels, nadis, and could even feel great light pouring from my body. Whereas other days, I felt like a lawnmower engine that would almost start, but finally after much effort just wouldn’t turn over. As the days went on and I eased into meditative reflection, I could see some of my patterns emerging from the background of “life as I knew it” and could see how they impacted my energy. The day after eating a spicy, greasy enchilada, I felt weak. After a poor night of sleep, I couldn’t get my mind to stop humming. I was beginning to see, through the mirror of my breath, the impact that these “non-incidents” were having on my energy for life. On days where my energy was low, my ego seemed particularly active and I was quick to find conflict in those who crossed my sense of self. Yet on days where my energy was pure and flowing, I found ease in all my actions.
Through all of my practice in austerity I still find myself experiencing certain cravings. At first this frustrated me greatly and I forcibly shoved the idea of wanting out of my mind. As these urges continued to rise, however, I started to pause and contemplate the pre-thought generating these impulses of desire. Yesterday as I was hankering for some caffeine-based energy, I realized that my craving had (at least) two roots. The first root was a physical need for pranic energy resulting from the meals that I routinely skip and the breath that I allow to get shallow as I stare into my computer screen and let my mind run supreme. The second root was a pattern of consumption to satiate my discomfort in the power and truth of the present moment. When I used to feel bored or stressed, I would self-medicate with these substances and now without them I had to sit in whatever situation I had created for myself.
As I look forward in my yogic path, I can see the need to further purify my body and lifestyle so I can maintain high levels of prana energy. I have experienced such profound variance in my ability to calm my mind with even subtle imbalances like a spicy meal and a late night that I can now sense the great transformational power of the niyamas. The practice of tapas has been a remarkable window into my own being and a perfect mirror as I continue to explore the gross and subtle aspects of bringing my life into yoga.
The Axis Yoga Teacher Training Program opens the door to Yoga’s vast traditions to its students. Each student experiments with chosen yogic principles to see how they affect their lives. This student found access to a whole new healthy lifestyle that included some self-acceptance and mental clarity.
Being new to yoga, and I mean really new; only having practiced for a year and very inconsistently. I decided to go into Axis’s yoga teacher training program as a self-practice in hopes of it leading into a career change. I am seeking change in myself. I am seeking clarity and balance in my life. So, having the option to choose my first experiment I was immediately drawn to Tapas.
Tapasya in Sandskrit means “to burn”. My understandings for this particular Niyama in which I have chosen to experiment with was to observe habitual patterns in within myself and in my life that are not healthy, acknowledge them and change them. Burn them off. And/or restraining from these said desires will create a heat that I then must release through some yogic practice.
My tapas for many years has been drinking, partying and “following the crowd” so to speak. I never really had any self discipline, no regular bed-time; no particular guidance in my eating habits only the whole no carbs thing because you HAVE to be skinny in the entertainment world. I worked out to be fit, but only to fit in. I worked very hard in the production field but when it came down to knowing me and who I really was, I had done no work at all. I have been, for years so caught up in the social crowd, I was portraying this image of myself but underneath I had no foundation. As time went on I started to realize how vain and ugly the industry really was and most of all I was becoming one of “them”. I made the first conscious decision that I had made in a long time, and decided to take some time off. Being out of the industry for a full year now, I have moved around quite a bit trying to “find” clarity but instead….I partied! I thought “I can party, it’s not like I have a 7am call time, it’s not like I have to workout to be skinny any more, or eat healthy to be skinny anymore”. This wasn’t the soul searching I set out for. So, for my tapas I have decided to give up alcohol, partying, caffeine and red meat.
Refraining from all the things that have lead me into an unhealthy life style I decided to counter act with a morning routine; a fifteen minute asana practice, followed by fifteen minutes of pranayama (usually the eight Kriyas or a few variations) and fifteen minutes of meditation. My nightly routine would consist of fifteen minutes of meditation and nadi-sodinah before bed, followed by five minutes of belly breathing for cooling.
Day one was interesting. I woke up around 8:30am, which is very unusual for me because usually I’m hung over and sleep until noon. So this was good. I went for a run, but not so I can be skinny but so I can get the blood flowing and the juices going. I felt good! I got back from my run and I did fifteen minutes of asana, mostly sun salutations. And then I sat down comfortably to meditate. I did a few variations of the eight kriyas and started with OM. As the third OM came out of my mouth my mother’s 125lb Rottweiler, Bear came and jumped on my lap. I thought, “Don’t break your concentration, Hannah you are supposed to be meditating, he will go away”. He didn’t go away. I gave in and gave him a belly rub. I didn’t think of it as a fail, I just thought to myself “I’ll do mediation in my room tomorrow”.
I was really surprised with myself that I didn’t have much urge to drink. After work I usually hang out for a few beers, which turn into a few shots. Things were going well. In my morning meditation I even managed to be quiet and still for my fifteen minutes. Meditation is challenging for me. I’m not ever sure if I’m doing it right and my focus is usually pretty short, but on the days when I could bring myself back to my object I thought it was nice to be practicing and learning.
Through my tapas experiment I wanted to gain a routine and a sense of balance. If I could remove partying and drinking then I could have a nice morning practice before work and peace and quiet before bed. The first week was nice. I got up I did my morning practice, I went to work. At night it was nice going to sleep with a clear mind.