Axis Teacher Training students choose a Yama (observance) or Niyama (restraint) to experiment with in their daily lives. This student focused on Satya, truth, with a commitment to avoid being judgmental. By withholding judgment, Truth had a clear path to present itself in surprising ways.
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In an attempt to discover what Satya or truth means to me I did access consciousness as my experiment.
In my experiment I hope to have a better idea of how judgments affect my daily activities. After
Two weeks of journaling I plan to take my results and live my life for the better.
Looking back on my journal, I can see that I am making judgments every couple of minutes. I
was very surprised to see how many judgments I make in a typical day. My typical day consists of
getting my son Caleb ready for school, then meditation, yoga or a workout, getting ready for work, then
working all day doubles from 11am to 11pm. Before even leaving the house I would make 10-15
judgments. Even something as simple as driving to work, example “Oh my god I can’t believe that lady
is putting on her makeup in her car which is way more than she needs, she looks like she is headed to
the circus.”Or “Wow, what a jerk, how dare you cut me off, god driving like that is going to cause an
accident, how dare you? Don’t you know how to use a blinker?” Even at work I was more surprised with
at least 300 or more judgments, it was exhausting keeping track of the judgments. I was breaking a
sweat example “How in the world could you let your one year old drink soda? Don’t they know what
soda will do to the teeth and how bad it is for you?” “I can’t believe this guy is really hitting on me are
kidding me WOW, does this person know what a napkin is?”
I realized that not telling the truth made me feel heavy and weighed down, distracted, that I
became unfocused and felt overwhelmed. Even little white lies such as “No, Calories don’t count when
you eat out, or, Yes, your butt looks great in those jeans” . After realizing how heavy and distracted I felt
with little lies I can only imagine how much more bigger lies can play a major role on my or
someone else focus and abilities.
After keeping track of things I found how very untrue to myself I have been. For example with
my diet if I cheated I would tell myself it’s ok I’ll start again tomorrow, then tomorrow would come and
I’d cheat again then it would be a new tomorrow and so on. Then when I got on the scale I’d feel even
worse. Or when I got in a relationship that had a red flag all over and stayed knowing it was not a good
idea not only did I hurt myself I hurt others all because I was untrue to myself. This still weighs on my
mind. The realization that I have not been true to myself brought to light the fact that not doing
things for myself was a buried emotion that is affecting me more than I thought.
With all this I started to focus on being truthful and how it affects the body and mind. So every
day I would meditate which helps me to be focused and clear of thoughts also makes me feel light and
healthy. I can see from my experiment the difference in mind set and feelings when I am honest with
myself and others for example a co-worker who has a crush on me offered me free food one night on a
long shift. I said thank you but paid for it as to not lead him on. Also I had a friend text me one night
asking me for my opinion on how I viewed him I was completely honest it made me feel like I was
floating on air and helped him focus on the issues he was having at that time. I also waited on a co-
worker that kept asking me for free food I simply said No I won’t be a part of that. In these situations I
felt light and free, focused and not distracted with thoughts, I felt like my true self I be.
For the final part of my experiment, after reviewing my journal I decided to approach a new day
in a new way. I found opportunities to spend more quality time with my son. We played nerf wars and
Wii, watched movies during that time I felt closer to him and more connected to him I felt like I was a kid
again it was great to just play. The result was him not whining or throwing a fit and he was excited to
spend time with me to have his mom to just laugh and play. This also added to that feeling of being light
and free. I also took this approach at work when I would normally expect a customer to not be a good
tipper I would short change them service, this time I stayed out of judgment and treated them like
family and friends and was surprised by their generosity and it was the best table I had all night, work
went easy and was fun, even though my pockets were heavy I was light on my feet.
In conclusion I am changing my behavior. I am approaching every day and everything in a new
way. I’m not going to” judge a book by it is cover.” I’m also going approach my normal daily situations
from a non-judgmental point of view and be willing to receive all possibilities of the universe.
This has opened my eyes up to the rewards of being true to myself and having no point of view about
anything and not drawing conclusions, simply allowing others and the universe to surprise me.
As part of the Axis Teacher Training program, students experiment with select Yamas (observances) and Niyamas (restraints) in their daily lives. The following student account of a Satya experiment reveals one person’s observations about raw self-expression.
Satya, truth. What is truth? One of the dictionary definitions of the word is, “the state or character of being true,” for me this is a typical idea of what truth is and can be, the next definition is, “actuality or actual existence.” The embodiment of truth is expression, expression of raw human experience, the flux of life that allows us to grow. I approached this project from an understanding that my heart had been lacking in a vital way. To mend that deficit I decided to implement creative methods such as writing, drawing, painting to use the inspiration and insight seen in daily life moments.
I set out with the intention of simply observing life to see what inspires me to create or be human; implying that to create reveals your humanity. I instated a meditation session first thing in the morning to still my mind and allow for if not a control but an awareness of its waves, that way I could view true inspiration and use it to form my humanity. In my daily life with work, family, friends I kept in mind the awareness of the muse, not to a point of looking for it, rather openness to it. The first week consisted of these practices. I found that I was able to contemplate why I wake up in the morning and could change that reason from oh I have to work to, I want to go see what is outside or there is a genuine conversation out there to be had. Every day for that first week I wrote a poem or drew something in order to exercise the creative flow. This enabled me to see patterns in my thoughts and life, a way of organizing on paper. Another way to penetrate creative truth into life I attended one particular highly diverse open mic in Denver. It is called LadySpeech, the performers interpret life in a colorful range of ways, when listening and being involved with a spectrum of experience and view-points my own imagination sparks cords and observes my life from new perspectives.
I found that by honing my creative inspiration and applying it I am in sync with and a part of the rawness of emotion enables me to see patterns of emotion and true expression of it. There is also a free flow to existence, rather than feeling stuck or suppressed by every day cycles they have become healing because by writing I can see what matters to me and what does not (annoyances have become nonchalant). Another part of what I learned is that I inhibit myself from conveying by speaking; this has lifted because I don’t want to miss any part of sharing my true self with others or being witness to another’s truth. When I don’t hold back and I say what I feel, even when I’m nervous to (not hurtful things) it feels like I lay a bit of myself before you, this is even stronger in a performance setting the few times that I have participated in an open mic (a fair bit out of my comfort zone) it felt like I was laying out my soul for the audience. This is also apparent to me when watching others perform, they truly put themselves in a vulnerable position and it turns around as a therapeutic practice for some, this is true for me because I have a small voice and all the attention garnered from performing is almost unnerving but once what is said is said there is a release of the idea or emotion.
“Everything we are observing is at once specific to us alone and at the same time interconnected to the universal structure of all that is outside ourselves,” (MOY, pg 16). When listening or looking at another person’s art I’ve had to set aside my ideas/judgments and become like a sponge to absorb the nutrients of the others illustration laid before me. While undertaking the experiment I had a conversation with a friend who freestyle raps, he was talking about an intense flow he experienced; he was watching himself form strings of words from the corner of the room he said, “that’s dope, oh that’s dope too,” he interpreted the meaning of the words after he said them from an outside perspective. I felt it was interesting that he told me about this at the same time that I was involved in an experiment to use creative expression as a way to reach a true state of being because what he described to my understanding is a higher state of being.
The experiment of cultivating creative expression as means to become a part of a state of Satya filled me with joy which springs up from the minutest of things, like seeing leaves blown about in swirly patterns or patterns of colors of the cars in traffic, sharing tea with a loved friend or family. I have grown more responsible for my thoughts and the rashness of my actions, have bent into a brighter and clearer lifestyle. On a closing note it is interesting and humors me that my writing at this time reflects much of the language that is used in yoga; although my writing tends to lean towards that sort of organic and flowing mindset already, the yoga studies greatly compliment my style. I have come to the conclusion that writers are insanely sane, as are yogis.
Axis Yoga Teacher Training students strengthen their knowledge of the yamas (restraints) and niyamas (observances) by choosing one of each to experiment with in their own lives. By focusing satya (truthfulness) and tapas (austerity) to a very specific area of his life, this student found the benefits of taking control of how other people’s actions affect him.
We all like to believe that we are truthful. However, there are countless facets to this precept. I narrowed my study to the aspect of being honest, or true to myself. Then narrowed it even further to an aspect of my life that I have struggled with for years: my job. In my job I am faced with multitudes of situations that I am personally and ethically opposed to on a very deep level. These situations ultimately make me feel like I am not living my truth. I work in a hospital, in direct care with patients…people. I work alongside doctors, nurses, case managers, therapists, and numerous other staff members responsible for some level of patient care. On any given day, I would literally run out of fingers to count how many negative, speculative, ignorant, and sometimes simply cruel comments I hear regarding patients…people. They are usually centered around the “choices” that a patient has made in their life that has led them to the sad destiny of needing medical attention. Often, the favorite subjects of these commentaries are: 1) alcoholics and drug addicts, 2).psychiatric patients, and 3) bariatric, or very overweight, patients. The commentaries often include a statement like, “How could anybody ever ______!” I’ve even heard such blatantly cruel statements as, “What an idiot.” This was a comment from a doctor regarding an alcoholic. Another comment, “How stupid…” was from another doctor, regarding a 23 year-old who nearly overdosed on prescription pain medicine. I have actually heard a nurse refer to an overweight woman as “disgusting”. She was not referring to something that came out of the patient, but the actual person. Over the years, I have become somewhat desensitized to this type of banter among so-called professionals, simply because it is so prevalent. However, I am still amazed and appalled at the complete lack of compassion from healthcare professionals who are trained and paid to care for others. As much as I love certain aspects of my work, I am deeply affected by this overt dispassion for humanity. It leaves me feeling as though I am being untrue to myself, to allow myself to work in this climate everyday. It also leaves me questioning humanity, itself.
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Derik Eselius ~ 720.934.6934
Training Location:
Sixth Ave. UCC 3250 E. 6th Ave