Tag Archive for: Yoga

Overcoming Unhealthy Attachments: Experiment

With excitement in my undertaking and dedication to my personal growth, I set off with Desikachar’s words on my mind: “When we are attentive to our actions we are not prisoners to our habits”(Heart on Yoga p.6). My experiment happened in a rather linear style where I created a table highlighting a thought for which I was grasping, leading me to question why I desire that outcome and further, what affirmations can I raise to counteract those thoughts? A few examples from my experiment chart include:

A thought that has me stuck, grasping for an outcome.

Why do I desire that outcome?

What thought waves should I raise instead?
1. I need my house to be clean I like to maintain a good image of my space and myself. I take pride in my house. I have a beautiful home just as it is.
2. When I have a friend over for dinner I need my meal to be perfect. I see my meal as a reflection of myself. I can’t wait to enjoy a wonderful meal in the company of a great friend.
3. I want the woman that I am dating to contact me, I haven’t heard from her. I enjoy our communication, it’s reassuring to know that she’s thinking about me, and I have come to expect it. I am loved by me and that is fulfilling.
4. I feel as if I’m gaining weight and that my body doesn’t feel as good as it once did, so I want to loose weight I have not been exercising as much and therefore, I just don’t feel as fit as I like. I will practice self-love and treat my body with respect because she’s beautiful.
5. I am worried and nervous about sharing this work with my yoga peers. It feels vulnerable to share my thoughts on what I am working on (weaknesses) because I could be judged. I am a work in progress and by sharing and expressing myself I open up new opportunities for growth.
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Overcoming Unhealthy Attachments: Reflections

As the experiment became more incorporated into my life, I was shocked to see just how many things were showing up on my chart, and I had no clue that so many of my thoughts were attached to needing to achieve an outcome. Many of the first rows, as exemplified in #’s 1 and 2, were filled with simple ideas that I could easily decipher on my own and create affirmations in response. But one of my thoughts had me in a quandary and in need of professional help. I took my body image thought, # 4, and chatted with my therapist about Aparigraha and my experiment. Intrigued, and open to my experiment she helped me achieve a better understanding of the root of my grasping.

After several conversations, guided meditation, and a large dose of self-compassion, I was lead to the discovery that the underlying possession I am attached to is my image itself. As I thought back on my chart and the times that many of these ideas came to me, I realized that most of my “grasping” came to me in the mornings as I lay in bed thinking about my day. Further, that these thoughts were attached to what I hoped to achieve or “show for” at the end of my day. It was true, my need to present an image of “perfection” to myself and to the outside world, had me in its grips. Driven by my ego and underscored by the stories I’ve retold to myself, I felt that by knowing what had me in its grips was exactly what freed me from them.

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Overcoming Unhealthy Attachments: Conclusion

Thus, I can firmly say that as my experiment concludes, my question was answered and my hypothesis was accurate. By combining Aparigraha with my weekly therapy sessions aiming at the same outcome, I did usher in change (regarding my self awareness) with greater ease and speed than just using therapy to achieve the goal of non-attachment. Just brining a sense of awareness to my thought patterns hasn’t yet turned the need for presenting a “good image” off.  However, it helps me contextualize things in a more manageable way. And further, it gives me another chance to practice a complementary niyama, samtosa and further my contentment with my deepest thoughts.

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Yoga Student Conducts Non-Experiment

As part of Denver’s Axis Yoga teacher training, students are invited to apply one of the yogic prinicples to their daily lives.  Students explore prinicples such as truthfulness and non-harming.  This particular student gives an honest account of how his selection and relationship to astaya (the principle of non-stealing) provoked so much defiance in him,  that his experiment became an examination of this resistance.

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A Non-Experiment of Non-Stealing: Introduction

From the start I should have realized that there was no way I would implement an experiment on Asteya. First, I chose it because there was only one person in the group when we began forming groups. Choosing a particular spiritual practice because no one else is doing it is does not set oneself up for success.

 Secondly, I couldn’t really define it as being different from aparigraha. OK I could stop myself from recording music from the Internet as I assume that is technically stealing. But what else would I steal. Undeserved praise? That has never been an issue; in fact, I have always had the opposite problem of never taking credit for things that I actually did achieve.

 There were a few ideas I had that I could experiment with, but none of them compelled me. In fact I felt extreme resistance to any experimental ideas. I could have explored vegetarianism as a way of not stealing life from other creatures. I have been eating mostly vegetarian for the last couple months but I can’t say I have noticed any significant changes physically or emotionally. And I started that after thinking about it for a few months. And the more I thought about it for the experiment, the less interested I was in trying to remain vegetarian.

 I could also have implemented an environmental experiment as a form of not taking unnecessarily from nature. No single idea came to me for how to do this and I did not want to upset my routine too drastically to do this. Also, I could not see any great personal revelation coming from this.

 I did think about cutting down on TV and other things that “steal” my time. But the question is who decides what is a wise use of one’s time and what isn’t? Is every moment one is awake supposed to be leading toward something greater? Sometimes you do just need to watch something mindless on TV. It can stop the fluctuations of the mind! I am not ready to spend every free moment meditating, doing yoga, and reading ancient texts. The time commitment for the training is already enough “yoga time” for me right now.

 The fascinating thing for me as I continued to struggle with this and try to come up with an experiment was how much resistance I had to doing any experiment. I physically did not want to do an experiment. And I began to get even less and less interested in attending classes.

 So in a sense my experiment became reflecting on why I was not going to do an official experiment and why I was feeling such resistance.

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A Non-Experiment of Non-Stealing: Conclusion

So if I have any conclusion from my random thoughts concerning the yamas and Patanjali’s yoga sutras, my conclusion is that the process of yoga needs to be a natural, organic process. Just saying or thinking that one needs to work on one of the yamas, does not mean that it will actually happen. While the yamas are about freeing oneself from desires, one needs to have the desire to free oneself to actually make progress. And my assumption is that one rarely chooses which yama to address, rather a situation will arise that demands attention and challenges one’s beliefs which then leads to exploration and realignment of one’s attitudes and behaviors.

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Yoga Student Explores “Wise Use of Energy”

During Axis Yoga’s teacher training, students explore the application of various yogic prinicples to their daily lives. This particular student relates the prinicple of brahmacharya (celibacy) to his marraige. He adapts the principle to present day Western society, redefining brahmacharya as the “wise use of energy” and “control of the senses.”  He explores how this principle can be used to create an intentional space of intamacy and connection with his partner.

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“Wise Use of Energy” Introduction

The primary question I had regarding this experiment was how brahmacharya could be practiced by yogis in the context of a married relationship.  Although celibacy is certainly an option for married couples, it does not seem conducive to a more loving union, nor do I think it is a moral prerequisite for practicing brahmacharya.  I feel that it is important to make an attempt in understanding the context in which Patanjali authored his aphorisms in order to understand this yama.  It may also be important to investigate how the historical-cultural context of the Yoga Sutras, relate to contemporary western society. 

Another matter of investigation is the universality of the Yoga Sutras.  Many religious texts claim universality and timelessness in their teachings, yet they are colored with the culture and historical context in which they were born.  I feel that Atha yoganusasanam must always emphasize the “now” to ensure the relevance of the text to our embodied experience.  Therefore, forming a definition of brahmacharya is more than simply taking the transliteration “celibacy” as the only way to investigate this essential yama.  Fortunately, I discovered that well respected yogis have enumerated upon brahmacharya from an integral perspective of ashtanga (e.g. B.K.S. Iyengar, Desikachar, Michael Stone).  In simple terms, this means that brahmacharya is essentially about the wise use of energy and control of the senses.  These explanations helped me develop ideas for the experiment which, inevitably, required the consent and creative cooperation with my wife.

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“Wise Use of Energy” Experiment

The question we have chosen to pose as the basis for our experiment begins with the definition of brahmacharya as the “wise use of energy” in the context of marriage.  The hypothesis we developed is, “If we practice mindfulness within our relationship (which includes creating a spiritual intention for shared space, time, intimacy/sexuality) and apply principles of chastity in the sense of purity, specifically purity of intention through mindful lovingness, then we will experience a deeper connection to the divine through mutual shared and selfless devotion to God within our relationship”. 

One key text in constructing this hypothesis was Desikachar’s Heart of Yoga which distills the yama of bramahcharya in the following way; “Brahmacharya suggests that we should form relationships that foster our understanding of the highest truths… it means responsible behavior with respect to our goal of moving toward the truth.”  B.K.S. Iyengar also points out in several of his writings that the householder (grihastha) is just as much capable of being a brahmacharya as the celibate monk.  I know this from previous life experience when I lived a monastic lifestyle for two years in an ashram in Fresno, California.  During that time I observed myself consumed with egotistical thoughts and attachment to the forms of brahmacharya.  As a married person, I have learned that in many ways my spouse is a mirror to my movements away from God.  Through this relationship I am frequently reminded of my own avidya and this causes me to reexamine the path.

As the both of us took on this effort to be specific in our observation of brahmacharya (along with the other yamas and niyamas), it became very clear that we need to adjust several environmental factors in our home and external relationships.  We have always been a spiritually minded couple, but at times this has itself become an attachment as we have opened our home to numerous guests and rarely have time with just each other and to ourselves.  Consequently, when we are afforded time together, we are often too exhausted to be truly intimate.  Baba Hari Das emphasized that married couples must become one, and therefore intimacy is an important part of this union.  Both of us have spent most of our creative energy in other areas of our lives.  This experiment brought us together on the issue of the wise use of energy and it resulted in an increase in awareness to the “energy drains” on our lives including housekeeping, organization of time, personal relationships outside of the marriage, and work.  Additionally, we realized that in order to participate in the act of mindful intimacy and lovingness, we needed to unencumber our minds with worldly concerns, worries and barriers.  Further, we tended to “unfinished” business and projects within our home, essentially clearing stagnant energy while tending to our “bedroom” space.   Through the commitment of attending yoga classes together, reading discussing and planning our spiritual growth both individually and as a couple, we have increased our participation in each other’s lives on a spiritual and physical level.  To deepen this connection through the application of the experiment, we have taken greater steps towards building a more sustainable spiritual and emotional lifestyle.   In terms of the actual application of practicing moderation and chastity within the relationship, I believe that we are still working towards what that might look like as we continue to develop from within.  We have definitely increased our discussions around our sexual practices, present levels of emotional intimacy, spiritual connection to one another & God, and our intentions for our relationship on a day-to-day basis.

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“Wise Use of Energy” Reflections

I have increasingly become aware of my intentions toward preserving my energy to be directed toward “movement in Brahman.” I began working to create a sacred space for intimacy and prayer. Prior to this experiment, most of my energy in the household was geared toward guests and the “public” parts of our home. I was moved to direct that energy toward my marriage union by taking on unfinished projects in our bedroom and the upstairs (our space in the home). I felt a shift in energy which was very refreshing. Instead of “dropping dead” on the bed at the end of the day, there has been a warmness and sense of rejuvenation in the evening and morning. This has had an immediate effect on my asana and pranayama practice and I know it is directly related to the intentions created through the change of intention through brahmacharya. There is still much more to do through this yama, but I feel that both of us are awakening to the power of these yogic intentions.

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