As part of the Axis Yoga Teacher Training program, this student chose to experiment with Ishavari Pranidhana (surrender to God). Changes in routing were used in an effort to find a personal definition for God. In doing so, this student was able to experience the presence of a God-Self despite daily obstacles.
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I chose this Niyama because I have never been very religious or spiritual. My parents didn’t raise me under any specific religion, although my mother has a meditation practice and a Guru that she follows. I still never found myself that attracted to the aspect of having a God outside of myself. I chose this practice of Surrendering to God because I wanted to know what God meant for me.
My experiment was to do a free writing exercise every morning for Fifteen minutes. Writing without stopping to edit myself, while flowing with whatever thoughts or impressions came up for me about “Surrender to God”. From these writings, I found myself getting insight on how I could live my life more in accordance with my God-Self. I have an easier understanding and access of God when I think of it as a consciousness that is within myself, and within everything in existence. From this perspective, I was able to write about different exercises that would help me to recognize that divinity in myself, others and the world I live in.
I looked at how I spent my time. I started waking up at 5am and incorporated a 2 hour morning routine of Qi Gong(Chinese meditative movements), Neti pot, Pranayama, Meditation, Asana, Yoga Nidra(guided meditation), and Free writing.
I wrote about how expressing myself is an act of channeling my God Self. How writing at my blog on TravisDharma.com is a way to share the lessons that I’ve learned from my God Self. I wrote about how teaching other people yoga and Qi Gong is another way of channeling a higher source. I gave a speech at a Toastmasters meeting and allowing myself to be in that state of peace and harmony while I gave the speech allowed me to flow without having to look at notes. I acknowledged how giving massage is another form of inviting the divine. Listening to their body and allowing my mind to take a back seat as my intuition and divine connection with this being allowed me to facilitate their healing process.
Even though I had such a wonderful morning practice, I still found myself straying in the afternoon and evening, procrastinating and escaping with video games and surfing the internet. One evening I asked myself what I was afraid of. What fear is underneath this procrastination? I found myself fearful of having a successful massage practice, feeling that I wasn’t good enough to be teaching yoga, and that is why I was having difficulty using my time to work on projects that would further my career. I still feel this fear, and one practice that I implemented to help recognize and release these inhibitions was to laugh at my fears. I could feel the fear literally rising in my shoulders, and I’d shake it out and laugh. Laughing at the smaller self that thinks that I’m not good enough, laughing because in truth everything is divinity, and what does it mean to be “not good enough”? That in itself is funny.
Another obstacle that I found to surrendering to God was feeling overwhelmed by my life situation. A couple weeks ago I signed up for the MLBEx(National Massage Exam), and I researched more into what I needed to do to become licensed in Colorado. I was feeling overwhelmed with the fees, applications, marketing fliers, business cards, videos and photos that I need to make in order to become more successful in Breckenridge. I had updated my resume, which looked great, but I was still overwhelmed by all of the possibilities and all of the things that I felt I had to do in order to be successful. Looking at this from my perspective of “Surrending to God”, I changed perspective to what I can do in the present moment. Instead of worrying about everything that I had to do to be prepared to give massage and teach yoga in Breckenridge for ski season, I focused on what do I need to do this week, or this day. The answer is study for the massage exam, brainstorm and write out the projects that I want to accomplish, and focus on the next step that is available to me. Although I still feel overwhelmed, I acknowledge that I will accomplish what I need to, and that God is giving me the time and resources that I need.
Another obstacle that I felt the last couple weeks has been loneliness. My boyfriend has been out of town for work, and social engagements that I’ve planned have fallen through. I moved to Colorado only a month ago, and rediscovering a sense of community takes time for me. By looking at the process of “Surrender to God” I have found that I believe God has been telling me that I need more time for introversion, and that I need more time for reading and writing. The reason the social situations have been canceled is because I need that time for myself. Although my ego tells me that I’ve had enough individual time, I obviously need more time to process the fear and overwhelm that I’ve been feeling.
I realized how studying, and learning is another process that can be attributed to God. Teachers of Yoga and philosophy are channels of this God-Source. By listening, reading, and processing their information and insights, I can absorb and be a sponge for the knowledge. By incorporating the insights and lessons into my every day life I can truly learn by experiencing it in my world. I can figure out what aspects of the teachings resonate with my life, and help me to feel that connection to Source.
Overall, I feel that I have had this sense of a God-Source all along, and that now I am able to have more understanding about what that means for me. I will continue to do my free writes every morning, because I get to process my mind stuff, and get insights into how God enters my everyday life. There will always be obstacles like fear, loneliness and overwhelm, but when I look them from the perspective of my God-Self, they aren’t as big and insurmountable as they were before.
As part of the Axis Teacher Training program, this student experimented with the application of Ishvarapranidhana, surrender to God. This resulted in two meaningful experiences that will inspire further practice.
Like many, I experienced some traumatic religious experiences in my youth. To summarize, at the age of sixteen, I was asked by church officials to choose between my divorced parents, with the understanding that the wrong choice would mean my excommunication resulting in never reaching “total freedom” (the ultimate goal of all Scientologists). This was followed closely by the decimation of my religious belief structure. Despite the strides I have made over the course of the last twenty-six years to find a way to live and grow spiritually, I still struggle with the concept and practice of religion and ritual. Choosing the Ishvarapranidhana, surrender to God, group for the first experiment would afford me the opportunity to raise my awareness of my reactions toward God, religion, and ritual. My experiment became an activity to define what Ishvarapranidhana meant to, and for, me.
I went about this by adding a daily meditation with a mantra and expanding my current daily meditation to include a mantra. I selected Om and Soham as the mantras. In addition, I performed some limited research regarding what various translations and interpretations of the Upanishads had to say about God. I journaled to record my thoughts and experiences.
Although no one quite yet has the universal answer for who or what God is, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the definition of God that I find most appealing was also found in some translations of the Upanishads. The difference that I continue to contemplate is the personification of God that seems to thread through every definition, if only implied. God, for me, is a collective energy that is found everywhere and in everything in the universe. Although greater than the sum of its parts, I am not comfortable with the idea of this energy having a separate identity or individuality. The research did not result in me redefining what God is for me but did have me review whether or not my current perception still fit.
The best part of this portion of my experience occurred at the very beginning of the experiment when Susan, our group mentor, was very kind and shared her perception of God. Previously, I had found the idea of God to be narrowly defined in the Abrahamic faiths. Her knowledge caused me to recognize that the religious scriptures of those religions did not confine the definition of god; my perception of them did; and that the understanding of God within those, and indeed all religions, can be infinite. I thanked her at the time but want to again, here in writing, express my gratitude. Allowing me to witness God through her perception was a true gift.
I did not expect my perception to be opened even wider. I was having a very difficult time at work, frustrated with my lack of ability to stay on top of everything, angry with the executives of the corporation for trying to get more for less from their employees, and for the general lack of compassion that one of the managers has towards others. Although I get frustrated somewhat frequently with the world in which I currently work, much of the time I am able to see that most companies, including mine, are struggling and cost cutting, and that the manager who appears to drive those around her too hard is simply afraid. None of these understandings were helping me. Each day brought a new challenge and the black cloud that was hanging above me became a thunderhead.
As I was contemplating what to do about this situation, I remembered Kevin telling us to be in the first adho mukha svanasana for the day instead of squirming away from the tension and discomfort. Here I was again, in an unhappy work situation, squirming away from it instead of being in it. The million dollar question was, how could I be in it without carrying the weight of it around my neck. This time, it was Derik’s words that came to me.
I remembered Derik’s story about taking the teenagers camping and the physical difficulties he faced. When he said that it presented him a good opportunity to practice Ishvarapranidhana, I listened and understood the words, but I didn’t hear him. Even knowing that I was missing something huge, didn’t help; I simply retained the sense that I missed the message.
Now I was carrying discomfort, albeit not as difficult as Derik’s. So, I contemplated surrendering my current difficulties much like Derik had surrendered his. But how could I place my problems on everyone else? Wasn’t that what surrendering them to God was? They were my responsibility and wouldn’t it be wrong and hurtful to allow others to take that on? I’d love to say that I reconciled these questions, but I didn’t. I just decided to try it, despite the fact that it may not be the most ethical of decisions. My next thought wasn’t really a thought at all, I just let the anger, resentment, and frustration go. Had I tried to figure out how to do it, I don’t know that I could have, let alone actually do it. And after letting go, I realized that I had been holding on to the emotions. No, I hadn’t been holding on to them, I’d been clinging to them like they were the last life jacket in a cold and dark sea. I had drawn them about me and inside them I could feel free to be sanctimonious. I felt lighter. I had shed the heavy back pack I’d been hauling around. I wasn’t euphoric or joyful, I was calm and serene. The euphoria came a few days later when I realized that, not only didn’t I need to pick the anger and frustration back up, I wasn’t going to. And then, I surrendered the euphoria too; again, serenity.
Although I love parts of my job, and always have, I don’t mean to suggest that I now love going to work and that I enjoy the culture and the environment in which I work. Work became just work; sometimes pleasant, sometimes unpleasant. I was serene and calm for a while. Some difficult days at work have come along since. Even though my anger and resentment haven’t returned, I do find myself getting overly stressed and worried; made larger by my headache condition. I see these as more opportunities to practice, even if they aren’t as successful as my first attempt.
I’m not sure that I experienced Ishvarapranidhana or if I experienced something else entirely. One way or the other, I’ve been given two amazing experiences for which I am thoroughly grateful.
Each Axis Yoga Teacher Training student writes a paper describing their experiment with a yama (restraint) and niyama (observance). Applying these yogic principles to their lives allows them to better understand their meaning. This student’s reflection on the Yoga Sutras resulted in practical application of aparigraha (non-hoarding) as well as new contemplation on Ishvara Pranidhana (surrender to God).
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The Denver Yoga Underground began in 2003 at the request of dedicated students who wanted to study yoga as a holistic system. Over the years, a diversity of people, seeking education outside of a studio, found a welcome refuge in DYU.
Today we specialize in grassroots Pay What You Can workshops, accessible retreats and our signature yoga teacher training, for the outlier yogi.
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Denver Yoga Underground Director:
Derik Eselius ~ 720.934.6934
Training Location:
Sixth Ave. UCC 3250 E. 6th Ave
Derik Eselius ~ 720.934.6934
Training Location:
Sixth Ave. UCC 3250 E. 6th Ave