The Serenity of Surrender: Testing New Ideas

Now I was carrying discomfort, albeit not as difficult as Derik’s. So, I contemplated surrendering my current difficulties much like Derik had surrendered his. But how could I place my problems on everyone else? Wasn’t that what surrendering them to God was? They were my responsibility and wouldn’t it be wrong and hurtful to allow others to take that on? I’d love to say that I reconciled these questions, but I didn’t. I just decided to try it, despite the fact that it may not be the most ethical of decisions. My next thought wasn’t really a thought at all, I just let the anger, resentment, and frustration go. Had I tried to figure out how to do it, I don’t know that I could have, let alone actually do it. And after letting go, I realized that I had been holding on to the emotions. No, I hadn’t been holding on to them, I’d been clinging to them like they were the last life jacket in a cold and dark sea. I had drawn them about me and inside them I could feel free to be sanctimonious. I felt lighter. I had shed the heavy back pack I’d been hauling around. I wasn’t euphoric or joyful, I was calm and serene. The euphoria came a few days later when I realized that, not only didn’t I need to pick the anger and frustration back up, I wasn’t going to. And then, I surrendered the euphoria too; again, serenity.