Finding Peace through Brahmacharya: Experiment I

At first I decided to practice brahmacharya through celibacy. I was all set on my plan when one day, while practicing Svadhyaya, I came across a Tantra text in the bookstore. Now, if you haven’t caught on already I was raised in a very conservative religion. So, even now, when confronted with something like Tantra (insert scary, dramatic music here) I feel like I should cross my legs and thoroughly wash my eyes out with soap. I guess old habits die hard. However, the book was nothing like I expected it to be. Tantra can be separated into two paths: Dak?i??c?ra and Vamachara. The more “extreme” path that Westerners hear about is Vamachara. These tantric yogis practice things like the 5 M’s and revere sex. What really surprised me was that they don’t have sex willy-nilly. From what I understand, true Vamachara practitioners view sex as sacred. It is a very literal way for them to yoke opposites, to experience yin and yang/Shiva and Shakti through the joining of two bodies (classically male and female but not always). For this reason they view sex as more than something that just feels good. They view it as a type of bhakti, sadhana, asana, pranayama, and meditation all at once. Even orgasm is seen as a way to glimpse the timelessness and lack of space of Samadhi. Due to this they advocate conscious sex rather than having sex for pure pleasure.

After reading all of this I went back to look at the definition of brahmacharya. There are many “direct” translations from Sanskrit, so I have come to see it as continence as a pathway to the Divine. I decided to practice my bramacharya by consciously acknowledging my sexual energy and then instead of surrendering to it, or my usual practice of completely ignoring it, using it as a form of meditation. I used this to formulate two hypotheses:

1.      By acknowledging my sexual thoughts when alone and applying the energy to pranayama and meditation I will have a new, deeper experience.

2.      By consciously participating in partnered sex as a form of yoga I will experience a style of meditation previously not encountered.

For my individual practice I would set a time each day to allow for pranayama and meditation. Before beginning I would declare my intention of donating my energy to my practice. When you think about it, we spend an ENORMOUS amount of energy thinking people are cute, making ourselves look attractive with makeup and sexy clothes, fantasizing about sex, reacting to sexy things on tv, etc. I tried to imagine all that energy pushing through my nadis and shining outwards in every direction while I meditated. After a few days I didn’t have to imagine the energy, I could just sense it, and so would concentrate on it. I eventually noticed that I was able to sit in meditation for longer and I had more periods of blank thought. Off of my mat I noticed that I didn’t think about sexual things nearly as much. It happened so effortlessly that I didn’t realize it at first. My mind felt clearer; I felt peaceful.

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Finding Peace through Brahmacharya: Experiment II

All that being said, not thinking about sex as much made testing my second hypothesis a little difficult. When I finally was presented with the opportunity I made sure to honor their divinity, to recognize my partner as a person and not just a body to have sex with (or even to use for yoga purposes). I practiced specific breathing exercises and concentrated on my prana and kundalini energy in my body. Being new at it, it was hard not to surrender to sex as everybody else does. After time it became easier and I realized that I was experiencing the same feelings of supreme peace as I do after a meditation or asana practice. My mind was very focused and I felt as if I had already done my pranayma practice. So, I decided to sit in meditation afterwards and I found, again, that it was easier to sit in meditation. It was almost as if conscious sex was a kind of mudra, or even a physical asana practice. Even the breathing exercises were like a pranayama practice in that they settled my mind for meditation.

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Finding Peace through Brahmacharya: Conclusion

In the end the two very different experiments yielded similar results. After thinking over it I believe what I have learned from my experiences is that practicing brahmacharya (no matter how you do it) can lead to a feeling of peace. Following brahmacharya led to different meditative experiences than I experienced before and I can see why it is practiced.

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Clearing out the Clutter in House and Head

The self-examination that is encouraged by the Axis Yoga Teacher Training program can result in significant life changes. Through her Yama (restraint) and Niyama (observance) experiment, this student came to some profound conclusions that are now shaping her new path.

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Clearing out the Clutter: Introduction

When we began this journey of experimentation with the yamas and niyamas I was filled with excitement and a sense of hope.  Could this finally be the push I need to get rid of the clutter that is consuming my house?  Will I finally be motivated to make a positive change in my professional life?  In short, the answer was no, however, I was able to learn a great deal about myself in the process, and was even able to break down a few walls that I had previously built around myself.

First off, let me describe what I chose for each experiment and why.  The yama that I chose was aparigraha, or non-hoarding/non-attachment.  It immediately struck a chord within me.  I have always had a tendency to be a pack rat and save things that I may need one day.  I usually don’t ever find a need for most of these items, and on the rare occasion that I do, I can never seem to remember where they are hidden away.  I also hoard items due to their sentimental value, whether it is a gift from a loved one, or equipment from days gone by that sparks up nostalgia.  I have a difficult time throwing away an item that I no longer use, especially if it signifies a hobby that I may be interested in or that I hope to take up, but never seem to find the time.

As for my niyama, I had a much more difficult time trying to decide which one to adopt for the experiment.  Shaucha seemed to go hand in hand with cleansing my clutter.   Santosha and tapas were appropriate so as not to desire anything other than what I already had.  In the end, I settled on svadhyaya.  I have felt like I have been floating through life for the past few months, if not years.  This seemed as good a time as any to clear out the clutter in my closets, and hopefully the vritti in my head.  What is it that I want to be when I grow up?  The time is here.  I’m definitely a grown up, so it was time I finally answered that question, with aparigraha and svadhyaya as my tour guides.

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Clearing out the Clutter: Aparigraha

For aparigraha, I planned on spending at least 2 hours a week cleaning out one of the various cluttered spaces in my house, which include the spare bedroom, the garage, the basement, and the laundry room.  In addition, I resolved not to purchase any new items, so as not to add to the accumulation of junk in my home.  The third part of my experiment was that I would put together a garage sale and sell some of the items that I no longer needed, putting the money only towards debt repayment.  By doing all of this I hypothesized that I would feel lighter, not only in the space of my house, but also in my body.  I thought it would be difficult to start the process and part with items from my past, but I would feel great once they were gone, with no regret in their absence.  As for svadhyaya, I had no formal hypothesis, only that I would spend time visiting schools for massage therapy and search for a new job, as I have been unhappy and stressed in my current position.

The results were far from what I had predicted.  I had a very difficult few days at work, getting assaulted by one of our female clients.  I found myself so exhausted, both physically and emotionally that I had a difficult time getting started.  I made my 2 hour quota only 1 of the 3 weeks we practiced, with about a total of 2 hours invested in the other 2 weeks.  I never really got past the starting stage.  I was surprised that this feeling came, not from an attachment issue with throwing away my items, but more through an inability to do the work, or procrastination.  There was just so much stuff in the spare bedroom that I felt disabled by where to start.  I also failed to plan a garage sale, partly because I had not gone through all of my clutter, but mostly because I failed to recognize that my weekends were already full.  My apparent failure in these tasks only managed to add to the stress and anxiety that was already present.

There was a bright spot to this maddening experiment that made it all worth it.  I was able to abstain from bringing any new items into the house.  This was huge for me, because I tend to turn to “retail therapy” when I am stressed.  Even though my stress level was at its peak during this experiment, I did not spend money on anything other than necessities like gas, groceries, and the occasional dinner out.  My husband and I used to eat out for every meal, but were able to cut back on this significantly.  This boycott on shopping was difficult at first.  I had to try really hard to remind myself that I wasn’t allowed to make any purchases that weren’t absolutely essential.  By the end of the experiment, it was much easier.  In fact, I found that if I forced myself not to buy something, the urge to have that item passed.  Given time, I realized that I didn’t even really want nor need it, but that I just wanted the comfort it brought me to go shopping.  This goes for both small as well as large ticket items.

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Clearing out the Clutter: Svadhyaya

Getting started with svadhyaya was much easier for me.  I always have day dreams about going back to school and changing my career, which is a large reason I am involved in this yoga teacher training.  I took this opportunity to finally gather some information about local massage therapy schools, and to search for jobs online.  I was even able to visit schools and see their programs, and had a couple job interviews lined up.

Yoga training has made me hyper sensitive, and has brought to surface some character traits that I have pushed down for so long.  It has been both a blessing and a curse in many aspects.  At the culmination of this experiment I decided that it was time for me to quit my job, as it has become much like an abusive relationship.  I could no longer justify putting off my purpose in life merely out of guilt for leaving behind my job, my co-workers, and the clients.  The stress of earning money and meeting others’ expectations of me seems less important now than my own physical and mental well-being.

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Clearing out the Clutter: Conclusion

In conclusion, though I did not meet all of my expectations for this experiment, I found there were a lot of deep issues in my life other than disorganization.  Though it has been a difficult few weeks, I seem to be on a path now that will allow me to make positive changes in my personal and professional career, rather than continuing to drown in self pity over my situation in life.  Who knows?  Now that I am unemployed, perhaps I will finally find the time to clear out the spare bedroom!

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Applying the Principles of Ahimsa and Svadhyaya as a Park Patroller

As part of their teacher training, Axis Yoga students experiment with the application of Yamas (restraints) and Niyamas (observances). This student writes about his experience practicing Ahimsa (non-violence) and Svadhyaya (self-study) in his volunteer work as a Park Patroller. These yogic principles worked to shape his behaviors and reveal greater understanding of his reactions.

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Applying the Principles of Ahimsa and Svadhyaya: Introduction

This experiment is an exercise of Yoga components Yama and Niyama. I will specifically examine the behavior pattern Ahimsa toward others and myself and Svadhyaya for my self-explorations of my reactions. I will use circumstances in my volunteer work as a Park Patroller with Jefferson County Open Space parks to explore and practice these patterns. My duties include telling visitors to the parks about county law requiring their dogs to be on a leash while they visit the park. It is for the pets’ safety and for the safety of other visitors in the parks. This is a point of contention for me because of past experience with visitors ignoring the information I give them. This has both bruised my ego and also bruised my belief in rules and order in society. I will highlight experiences from 2 patrols I’ve done and how the practices of Ahimsa and Svadhyaya influenced my behavior.

The process I will be examining reminded me of a Zen fable that I can summarize: A man was training a rooster owned by his prince for cock fighting. After ten days, the prince asked if it was ready, “No sir, he is still vain and flushed with rage.” was the reply. Another ten days, “Not yet sir. He is on the alert whenever he hears another cock crowing.” Still another ten days, “Not quite yet sir. His sense of fighting is still smoldering within him.” Finally after another ten days, “He is almost ready. Even when he hears another crowing, he shows no excitement. He now resembles one made of wood. His qualities are integrated. No cocks are his match—they will at once run away from him.” Through the practice and awareness of Ahimsa and Svadhyaya I will measure my actions and reactions to encounters with dog-off-leash contacts and if they create reactive behavior in others and me.

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