I do wish I had worked more with pranayama for this experiment, because I still don’t seem to get much out of the practices we do in class, and I haven’t done enough outside of class to really feel experientially what it can do for you.  Reflecting on why I couldn’t seem to make time for it, I realized that it was partially because I was afraid of what people would think of me.  I live in a house with one parent who gets up early and one who goes to bed late and my room has no door or sound barrier from the rest of the house.  Realizing this, I really had to come to terms with that ugly side of me that is self-conscious of what other think of me.  It was a good thing to look at, and now that my seasonal cold has cleared up, I still could take the time and effort to get over that mental barrier and discover for myself the effects of pranayama on the body and mind.

On the surface, I would say that my experiment was a failure.  I was probably only able to fit fifteen minutes of sadhana in to my day, about five times a week.  At least at this point in my life, I don’t seem to have the stability or the dedication to commit myself fully to the yogic path (i.e. waking up at 5:00am to do all of these prescribed practices to increase my prana).  If I failed in that, I think I succeeded in coming to terms with myself and my own spirituality, and overcoming some of my aversions.  Reflecting on the experiment, I realized that I may never be that hardcore yogi, and that’s okay.  I can just meet myself where I’m at and extend from there.  I now have the ability to approach all of the teachings with an open mind, learn what I can from them, and integrate them in to my life in a way that feels authentic to me.    For that, I am grateful.

For my personal experiment, I chose to study the effects and benefits of Sadhana.  I chose Heart of Sadhana, by M.P. Pandit, as my book to coincide with the experiment.

Since this course began, some three months ago, I have adopted a daily sadhana practice, which includes pranayama, meditation and mantra.  Over these months, I have noticed a dramatic shift in both my attitude and approach to daily life, as well as in difficult situations.

In my daily life, I have noticed that I don’t get as emotionally entangled in certain situations.  I have been able to observe and remain engaged, without allowing so much of my prana, or vital energy, to be drained.  I have also noticed that I have been able to handle stress in a much healthier and productive manner.

As part of this experiment, I decided to abandon my sadhana practice for a week, just to see if I noticed a difference.  This sort of backfired, as one week very easily became two, and then, even crept into three.  I was shocked at how easy it was to come up with excuses not to practice.  Mainly it was, “I need more sleep”, or “I’m too busy”.  Well, I had been just as busy and sleep-deprived in those previous months, but I still awoke around 4:30 or 5am to fit in my sadhana.  I made time for it.

Also worth mentioning, was the noticeable shift in my attitude and stress level.  I so easily reverted back into old samskaras, or patterns, allowing myself to be drawn into situations and emotions, then feeling drained.

Another thing that I observed was my swearing.  Being a mom has pretty much taught me to forego this habit…at least out loud.  During this experiment, I became very conscious of just how much I do swear, even if it is mostly inside my own head.  Suddenly, I was acutely aware of every time I silently swore at a rude driver, an inconsiderate co-worker, or sometimes just people in general, or a situation.  So, here, I realized that I had not been doing this in the past couple of months.  I noticed that it almost hurt a little each time I swore, on a subtle spiritual level.  Also, I felt like I was just hurling that angry energy out into the Universe, no matter how silent it was.