Tag Archive for: meditation

I kept my same 5 a.m. wake up time and performed the same oil pulling, oil massage and showering routine as I had. I felt it was necessary to clean and awake for my practice and the ritual made me feel like I was preparing for something special. I then went to spare bedroom to practice with nothing, but my mat and a few pictures of family and friends on an altar. I started by setting an intention for how I wanted my day to go, often asking for more patience and understanding towards others. I then sang the Gayatri mantra, performed the Four Purifications and then sat quietly and meditated.

I looked forward to getting up every morning and performing my routine, especially singing the Gayatri Mantra. Some days I would sing it three times and other days I did not want to stop and sang it at least ten times one morning. The Mantra made the space my own and the action of singing relieved some of the pressure I had felt in the past about sitting alone with my thoughts. My first week I successfully sat in silence and for a maximum of 20 minutes, and as the weeks progressed I was able sit for 40 minutes, some days going over time. My first week I felt I had more energy, relied less on caffeine, and was overall clear minded and content.

My second week of this experiment, I began to experience very vivid dreams of events that had happened to me in the past. These were event I did not remember or perhaps chose not to remember, but knew they had happened. I, myself was not the main character in the dream, but rather watched the same event I had as experienced happen to another person. I was an outsider looking in on my own life’s history. I did not feel nearly as happy or clear minded my second week as I had my first and debated stopping my pranayama practice because I did not want to be burdened by these dreams every night. I did not realize how much I lived my life day to day, and chose to ignore how past experiences shaped me. It was not a pleasant experience to look at a direct reflection of myself, but realized it was something I had avoided and needed to finally face. My second week could be described as an inward discovery of myself, where my life’s path had led me and where I wanted it to lead me.

By the third week of my experiment, my practice started to come full circle and felt calm, happy as I did the first week. Diving deeper into my subconscious was difficult at times, but in the end I had gained perspective on my life. In my dreams I had experienced events as an outside party, allowing me to suspend judgments about myself and move forward rather than feel stuck by one event in my life. The intention I began during my third week was asking for more patience and understanding of myself therefore allowing for a greater amount of self-love.

This experiment helped me deepen my own personal sadhana practice and I become comfortable with meditating alone. Of course there were days when I struggled to relax or questioned if I was doing it “the right way”, but I just reminded myself of an Iyengar quote I had heard “Breath is the king of mind.” That quote took the strain and pressure off focusing my mind and allowed me to just sit in silence and focus on my breath, and things fell into place from there.

Starting a pranayama practice separately from my asana practice helped me grow and strengthen a piece of my practice that was once weak and deficient.  I gained the peace and clarity I had hoped, while discovering pieces of myself I had left unexplored. This experiment helped me to see my life’s path more clearly and strengthened my emotional immunity. I feel I have more love, patience and understanding for others because I have more love, patience and understanding of myself.

As Lad suggested, I decided to practice a So-Hum meditation at night. In addition, I would focus on my third eye. It didn’t take long after beginning meditation for me to fall asleep. In fact, I find myself drifting off in class during this meditation practice.

I awoke this morning to my daughter whimpering in my ear, “Mommy, get up. I want to go in the playroom…now!” The clock on my nightstand flashed 5:39am. No meditation for me this morning. My head was cloudy, with a dull ache resulting from the second glass of wine I enjoyed during last night’s celebration of my last day of work. My son woke up a few minutes later and our harried morning routine began. I plodded through, my mind distracted by the loose ends I’d left behind after 10 years in a job that I’d once loved, but had outgrown. I managed to get the kids to car line just before the school door closed for the morning. I rushed across town for an appointment, only to be stood up…by my therapist. The first day of the rest of my life was not off to a promising start.

For my personal experiment I chose to continue with the morning routine/sadana practice I began during my ayurvedic experiment. My goal was to follow a routine 6-7 days/week. These are the steps I planned to enact each day:

  • Wake up 5:30am
  • Splash face
  • Rinse mouth, brush teeth and tongue
  • Drink water
  • Elimination
  • Asana
  • Chant
  • Pranayama
  • Meditation

My goal was to set aside about 45 minutes for the above routine. I chose this experiment because I am looking for grounding during a time of significant transition. I am in the midst of making a career change and I have a lot of negative emotions, baggage, etc. that I need to let go of in order to make space for whatever lies ahead. I have spent time reflecting on what changes I need to make internally in order to move ahead more powerfully. I have recognized that the most critical personal characteristics I want to develop are discipline, confidence and self-acceptance. I believe that my morning ritual, with a focus on the “Healing Blue Triangle” meditation and “Meditation to Increase Shakti,” has definitely helped to keep me feeling not only grounded, but also empowered, released and connected to something larger than myself, as I leave the safety of a job that was no longer tolerable, and move into the great unknown.

The Blue Triangle meditation was introduced to us early on in our YTT, and I loved it. According to the website www.pranichealingusa, the Blue Triangle “is your psychic garbage can. It is used to extract and disintegrate unwanted habits, vices and energies from within you. The longer an unwanted quality has been accumulating in your system, the more time it will take to remove it. These unwanted, undesirable energies may take the form of inner pain, repetitive or obsessive thoughts, compulsive or unwholesome habits or general weaknesses in your personality or in your nature.” (https://www.pranichealingusa.com/product/inner-purification-the-blue-triangle-technique). I have no shortage of that going on, and I loved being able to feel myself pulling negative energy and emotions from throughout my body/mind and depositing them into the magnetic blue triangle, where they were then shot into the ground with bright bolts of lightning. On a couple of occasions I visualized pulling negative energy or pain from my family members and shooting that into the ground as well. I’m not sure if this is appropriate, but I definitely emerged from those sessions feeling more connected and loving toward my family.

The other meditation I practiced regularly was “Meditation to Increase Shakti.” This was also introduced in YTT, and represents the most powerful meditation practice I have had in class. I memorized the instructions in Rod Stryker’s book, The Four Desires and walked myself through it regularly. Basically, after focusing on your breath as 2 streams moving in & out through your nostrils, you visualize a bright almond-shaped flame moving slowly down your spine. You picture it coming to rest behind your navel, shining brightly, while silently repeating “In me, there is a light that lights the whole world. It radiates truth: boundless will, action, & knowledge.” The visualization and the feeling of warmth, radiation and power, kept me feeling energized and intent as I finished up at work, and helped plant a seed for the way in which I will move forward in my next chapter. (Interested in a song I love that this meditation brings to mind? Click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4b_KQJNWPQ .)

My main struggle during this experiment was with consistency. I did not manage to commit to 6-7 days/week. I averaged 4/days week, which is 4 days more than I was doing 2 months ago, but definitely leaves room for improvement. This goes back to my need to be more disciplined in general. Intellectually, I know that structure and discipline are important not only in order for me to reach goals and be successful, but also critical for children in order to feel safe and secure. I will be home this summer full-time with my children, for the first time, and this will be so important. Once we have some kind of structure, we can fill our time with openness, fun and adventure. If not, I can see things devolving into chaos. My parents never provided structure and discipline for me (other than 12 years at Catholic school—which I credit with my ability to sit still for long periods of time), and I tend to be resistant to discipline and “authority figures” in general (see above regarding Catholic schoolJ). Again, I have finally recognized that importance of discipline and have a more positive attitude toward it. This is definitely a good thing as I move in the direction of a career as a high school teacher. The ability to set boundaries and clear expectations will be critical to my success in connecting with students.

I also noticed that the closer I got to my final day at work, my mind really fought to hold on to old stories, patterns, hurts, frustrations, etc. In addition, I had a lot of work to logistically wrap-up. I had a much more difficult time quieting my mind during these sessions. I just stuck with it, and kept coming back to my breath, attempting to let the thoughts just float away.

I also decided to move the asana practice from before meditation to after. This would allow me to be sure to get in some meditation (and the rest of the steps leading up to it) before my kids woke up. They are early risers, and it was not uncommon for one of them to wake up and come into the room while I was meditating, my daughter occasionally plopping down in my lap. I would send them to my sleeping husband and get back to meditation. I was very focused on committing to meditation at this time, and felt I would rather miss the asana then the rest of the routine.

I do think my experiment was successful in helping me to start letting go of the past in order to move powerfully forward. This phase of my career transition has actually gone fairly smoothly and I attribute a lot of my relative equilibrium to my sadana practice and this YTT in general. The recognition of the need for more discipline in my life and the desire to take that on and follow-through is another positive result of this experiment. In addition, I have a couple of weeks off before I return to school part-time and my kids are out of school for the summer. I look forward to utilizing this time to commit to a daily 5:30 wake-up and sadana practice. I think it will be easier with the weight of my old job behind me.

 I got home from my “missed appointment” and debated: 1)getting right to work on my personal experiment paper; 2)hitting a yoga class then getting to work on my paper; 3) napping; 4)going for a hike now, paper later. I chose the hike.

I headed up to Matthews/Winters Park, adjacent to Red Rocks. It is possibly my favorite spot in Denver, maybe even Colorado, maybe even the world. J I was once asked, “Where do you feel most alive? Where do you feel you are your best self?” It is this place. At the top of the wind-swept mesa, looking out at the Hog’s Back, part of a red rock ridge that stretches from Wyoming to Mexico; Green Mountain across the road, Mt. Evans in the distance. And most striking for me, an amazing view of Ship Rock and Creation Rock, the anchors of the incomparable Red Rocks Amphitheater. This is where I came to meditate before I “knew how” to meditate: sitting on a weathered rock, under a limber pine, observing my breath and feeling my heartbeat.

So today I took my seat, softened my eyes and breathed in the power, timelessness, beauty and vibrations of this spot. I exhaled my remaining, resentment, frustration, confusion, and anger toward my old job, old relationships, and their worn out stories. The first day of the rest of my life was looking up!

For my personal experiment I wanted to develop a consistent meditation practice. The first time I meditated was eleven months ago. I had this overwhelming need inside of me to meditate, even though I did not know how to meditate and did not know any one personally who meditated. So I began to meditate intuitively. I would sit at random hours of the day, I would use music and crystals during my meditations. I immediately began to have “interesting experiences” for lack of a better description. These experiences included but not limited to: intense spinning sensations, floating sensation, strong vibration, seeing lights and colors in my head, seeing geometry flying in my head, seeing the universe so clearly I felt I was floating in the midst of it and having what seemed like an external force pushing my body in all directions (should I have resisted it would have required muscle engagement). I practiced pretty consistently for about three months. My practice was partly driven by these “interesting experiences” I was having but was initiated for spiritual growth. Then I started working as a nurse full time and my practice started to dwindle. I wanted to maintain it, so I set my alarm, when it went off, I would literally roll out of bed, take a seat and meditate. This was not effective, I would doze off most of the time. Then I thought I would meditate before bed, this too was not effective as I was not consistent with it. And eventually I was not meditating at all.