Deepening Connection Journal Entries

Sitting in a gas station, my husband and I began a discussion of our sexual practices — the frequency, quality, spiritual aspects and satisfaction of these practices.  I realized that this conversation was very “large” and almost too intense to have in one setting.  We realized that this would be one of many conversations on this topic, and that there were many aspects of our relationship which affect our sexuality – one being our spiritual life.  I began to realize that by strengthening my own spiritual practices, I would have more insight and intentionality to my intimate connection to my husband on a physical, spiritual, psychological and emotional level. The location of our first discussion of such an intimate topic — a gas station, I realized was indicative of how busy we are and how little time we devote to our personal lives together,  particularly the spiritual and sexual connection we have.

I began to realize how disheveled our bedroom was, and began to desire to clean it up as well as  apply some intentional “love” to the beautification of our surroundings.  In many ways our bedroom is beautiful, but was somewhat ignored and in some ways, I realized that was a metaphor for our own lives as two people who are always doing, always giving, always there for others — but we were neglecting our own loving and intimate space, both within our home (bedroom) as well as within our interpersonal relationship.  I kept asking myself how we could integrate the divine into our lives without it seeming weird.  I know it isn’t weird, really, but it’s not something I regularly thought about.  Starting to point out these connections, initially, it seemed that my husband was focusing on my pointing out the deficiencies in our relationship, rather than seeing the “energy drains”.  I literally took him through the house and pointed out how we are losing emotional energy — I think he saw it as potentially more work.  I realized that I was tapping into a third eye of sorts and was very focused on finding the truth about what I needed to do/change or think about our situation.