I guess you cannot have the good without the bad, however. I feel it important to point out some of these details because I have noticed it multiple times over the past ten years anytime I get very serious about my practice and a shift is occurring in my life. There is almost a force that brings on some amazing challenges once you begin this path and it has forced me to stop multiple times. I do not want to dive too deeply into this but it is beginning to get to me a bit because it seems to be part of an endless cycle these past ten years. My life was peachy three weeks ago before I began this experiment and began meditating a lot more and trying to surrender to god in every aspect of my life. In the past three weeks my wife was hospitalized and near death, my dog was poisoned by the neighbor whom is now in jail, both my car and my wife’s car have broken down, I passed a bladder stone and had three days of urinary issues, I had the flu, multiple little annoying items lost or breaking down including my computer crashing shortly before finishing this paper, this is the second draft and I will most likely not get certified as an instructor due to some of these issues. I can go on.
Tag Archive for: Yoga
I do believe there is much more going on here and this is not a direct result of the experiment and would never want to discourage people from beginning this path based on these results. These three weeks have almost allowed me to create some space between me and these issues and see that it is almost comical, albeit heart wrenching. I have realized that it is beyond me and is not there to punish me but to perhaps teach me. This is just something that I need to get through this time and I feel that I chose this yoga intensive mainly for that reason and this will stay with me forever whether I get certified or not. I am going to continue my daily asana practice and have to say that this experiment was exceptionally enlightening.
This Axis YTT student gives an insightful interpretation of the yama satya (truthfulness) during the yama/niyama experiment. Students apply a chosen yama (restraint) or niyama (observance) to their lives to better understand their role in Yoga.
When the time came to choose a yama or niyama, I decided I would allow my choice to choose me. I ended up in the satya or truthfulness group. Initially, I thought this experiment would give me the opportunity to give my supervisor a piece of my mind. However, the more I studied, the more I began to understand the nature of satya and its careful placement amongst the yamas or restraints. Satya refers to considering my thoughts, words, and actions so that they do the least harm and the most good. I realized that I would have to practice restraint from action or, at best, practice filtering such that my thoughts, words, and actions are in alignment with ahimsa, or non-harming. My experiment would have to involve a great deal more observation and reflection than I originally thought. Therefore, rather than practicing truthfulness, I would have to practice restraint from indulging in my supposed “truth.”
Observation
I feel irritated and frustrated at work and desire to feel more at ease during the workday.
Hypothesis
If I memorize the Gayatri Mantra and chant it for 15 minutes at the beginning of my day and at the end of my work day, then I will feel more at ease and less frustrated at the end of my work day.
Method
For one work week (5 days), I will chant the Gayatri Mantra for 15 minutes at the beginning of the work day and at the end of the work day for 15 minutes. At the end of each day, I will reflect upon the day and provide one line to summarize my experience.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER16, 2012
- I spent 30 minutes memorizing the Sanskrit translation of the mantra.
- I spent 15 minutes chanting the mantra.
- I spent 15 minutes meditating on the words and significance of the mantra as it applies to satya.
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2012
- I feel like I have to lie to myself to keep from speaking my feelings.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2012
- If the Supreme Self who holds the Supreme Truth and resides in me has already mastered satya, why is it so difficult for me?
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2012
- I avoided discussions that involve input of my opinions and preferences.
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2012
- Difficult to reflect on my judgments and send them out into the world as such.
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2012
- It is a burden to try to know and speak Truth.
After conducting this experiment, I realize the amount of time, I waste at work talking about things that do not need discussion and the positive difference meditating on the Gayatri Mantra has made in my overall work day. At times, when I became frustrated or irritated, I found myself repeating the words of the mantra in my head. Before long, I would start to think about the significance of each word and how the words applied to my feelings. Overall, I believe I caught a glimpse of how insight into satya reaches far beyond satya into my overall well-being and way of life. Yoga is as much practice as it is non-practice as so profoundly explained through the principle of satya.
The yama of Ahimsa can be practiced in many different ways. This Axis YTT student chose to practice “no harm” in the form of personal relationships. But as is not unusual, the journey brought insight into other areas of life as well.
I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life. However, I did not realize it was such a problem until the last couple of years when insomnia started to take over my well being. After a while, I made the connection that my insomnia was a product of my anxiety. One of the reasons for this anxiety was ridiculous and impossible expectations I had for myself. I felt like I needed to be the best, look the best, feel the best all the time and with everything that I did. I was terrified of failing and so I worked very hard but worrying about not being the best and failing would keep me up at night. Over the last few years, I have tried to change how I look and talk to myself. I have a much better handle on my anxiety and my insomnia. Recently I have begun to notice that while I am working on having my own attainable and realistic expectations, I do not do the same for others, especially those closest to me. When I decided to do Ahimsa I first thought I would practice not harming myself with high expectations and negative thinking. However, this is something I am already aware of and working on (or so I thought at the time). Instead, I chose to challenge myself a little more and stop harming my relationships with others because of the ridiculous expectations that I have for them.
For three weeks, I planned on not harming my relationships with family, friends, and co-workers because of how I believe they should act, work, talk, or behave. The goal was to not internally or externally judge or criticize them for not being the person or doing the things that I believed they should be doing. I chose to journal every night before I went to bed about how the day went and what I needed to work on for the next day. When I had a moment of judgment or impatience, I practiced my yogic breath and sometimes chanted to myself. I also tried to wake up before going to work and practice either ten minutes of asana or sadhana to try and calm and center my mind.