Axis Yoga students have the opportunity to apply Ayurvedic principles to their lives through their second Teacher Training course experiment. This student writes about her life-long experience with depression and her new hope with Ayurvedic healing.

Choosing what specific aspect of my life I wished to address with Ayurvedic therapy was not hard.  From a very young age, depression has governed my life. While my depression racked my personal, private life I was still an ambitious person. I excelled in everything I did; it didn’t matter if it was school or music or sports I was hungry for knowledge and going out and doing things well made me feel like I was alive. Doing work made me forget about how much I hated myself and for 21 years I coped with my life’s ebb and flow. Then about a year and a half ago my very dependable depression changed radically.

I noticed eventually that I didn’t care about anything, and I mean that exactly how it was written. Nothing, not family, not school mattered anymore. I hated to do anything and I could barely get out of bed without breaking out into a hysterical flood of tears. I felt desperate to get back to my “normal” self-loathing depression. I tried getting through it myself. That didn’t work. I tried acupuncture, massage, and aromatherapy. They made me feel a bit better but were too expensive to continue with. I then turned to therapy and was put on a ridiculous amount of medication. They didn’t help. After a horrifying set of hallucinations caused by the cocktail of pills I was told to take, I stopped all medications. Then I turned to yoga, which got me through some of my darkest times. I am at a point now where I can manage my depression better but some days are still extremely rough.

I feel as if I have lost my fire for life, which is ironic since I am a Pitta-Kapha person and fire is what gives Pittas their zest. I realized that a lot of my symptoms were showing up as symptoms of too much Kapha. I hypothesized that my depression could be, in part, due to an excess of Kapha and that following Ayurvedic guidelines to pacify Kapha could alleviate some of my symptoms.

I decided that I would keep to a fairly Pitta diet to keep my Pitta pacified as I went after my Kapha with lifestyle changes. I decided to force myself to be active both in my mind and my body. I listened to upbeat music and surrounded myself with invigorating people. I have had a strong dislike of being social lately and being around people was hard, but ultimately rewarding. Making kicharee with Beth, surrounded by laughing and shared stories, made me feel loved. The next day however, that sinking feeling of depression was back, strong as ever.

Getting up before 6:00 am was not very fun and made me really irritable but working out and doing more vigorous asana made me feel amazing. As a Molecular Biologist I know that a good physical stimulation can release an amazing amount of serotonin, which is what all of my old medication was doing artificially. I tried to give my mind a good workout by not reading and studying in my house and instead reading out in public, surrounded by people. I reread the Bhagavad Gita and read the Tao Te Ching, the Upanishads, and the Hatha Yoga Pradipika among other things. I forced myself to explore all the things being thrown at me. It worked but almost too well. I feel like I can’t get enough information now.

Finally I decided to do two things I really didn’t want to do: vamana dhauti. The laughter yoga was initially ridiculous. I felt really REALLY stupid being surrounded by a bunch of people with wide-open eyes pretending to laugh. About halfway through I eventually dissolved into giggles, which made it hard to do some of the breathing and postures we were supposed to be doing. I ended up enjoying it and I think I’ll keep going back. A good belly laugh brightened my whole day and made coping with sadness easier. It’s still pretty silly though.

The vamana dhauti pracice, I was sure, wasn’t going to end up being as fun as the laughter yoga. Santosh had mentioned that vamana dhauti would help get rid of some kapha and I believe him now. I was very reserved about making myself forcefully vomit because I didn’t want to give myself a tool that could be used to hurt myself. I thought a lot about it and decided that I had enough strength to try the practice. It ended up being incredible and very funny to vomit in a group of laughing women. For days after the practice I felt amazing, like I was shining. It was the most effective practice at helping with my depression of this whole experiment. It will definitely become a bi-yearly ritual.

After everything was said and done I think the few Ayurvedic therapies did improve my symptoms a bit.  Nothing worked like a miracle and kept me from feeling any sort of depression, but they helped enough that I noticed a difference. I think that Ayurveda might be the answer I’ve been looking for. I even have an upcoming appointment with Alakananda Ma to get more information and suggestions as to how to use Ayurveda to improve my mental (and physical) health.

Being a student at Axis Yoga Teacher Training provides a wide range of experiences. Through personal experiments, students embody certain yogic principles in order to gain a greater understanding of their meaning and application. This student chose to apply a few specific dietary and lifestyle recommendations for his Ayurveda experiment.

I chose to remove dairy and wheat for the dietary portion of my Ayurveda experiment and remove the news media for a psychological component. I have chronic sinus issues that, while not debilitating have nevertheless been in my physical make-up most of my life, thus the Kapha dietary avoidance of dairy and wheat. The psychological component is Vata. Specifically, I have chronic muscle tightness, low backache, and sciatica. I have previously worked psychologically to detach myself emotionally from the media, thinking that I might not consciously get anxious or insecure after reading the news of the day. But does the anxiety manifest itself physically? This is why I chose avoiding the media completely for the second part of my experiment.

My journey started the night before the official “start” of the experiment when I went to the store to find some things to tide me over, so to speak. I worked to plan my breakfast and lunch menus since those are the occasions where I do most of the dairy and wheat consumption. Little did I know as I looked at ingredients labels how much wheat and dairy had infiltrated the World?

Early impressions of the dietary changes are that I have quickly developed an unsteady feeling in my body affecting my equilibrium including a few tremors in my legs. As to the media avoidance, I could not be happier after hearing about the death of OBL the night before I started my media fast, that I had a built in excuse not to be privy to the endless babble that would ensue for at least two weeks.

Four days in and I’m thinking that I might be dealing with some Hypoglycemia regarding the unsteady feeling I talked about previously. I have been keeping a regular eating schedule but I am still getting the light-headed feeling, dizziness, tremors in the legs, chronic fatigue, irritability that are listed in the Home Remedies section of the Ayurveda book. I’ve been eating some raisins or an apple, or drinking some fruit juice having a minimal effect. It is nothing incapacitating, but I don’t like the feeling. I was learning some new database concepts at work and found it harder to concentrate. One other measurable effect is the loss of 6 pounds. As for the media silence, I’m noticing a subtle shift in my increased awareness of things, whether it is tactile response or hearing and smelling. I’m noticing the pungent scent of the lilac bushes, the rough feeling of the dishrag, the rhythm of the clock ticking or the furnace running. There has also been a staggering amount of boredom. However, I have not yet noticed a difference physically regarding the muscle tightness, backache, and sciatica doing the Vata themed asana practice. My understanding is that the tempo of the asana is directed more at calming the mind than as a physical therapy.

I’m finding it to be annoying to family as I work to adjust to the apparent withdrawal from the dietary restrictions. I am verbalizing my inner thoughts and while that is usually something my wife wants to hear, that is not the case when I’m whining to have some chocolate cake when we were at a restaurant celebrating her birthday. I’m still distracted looking toward the end of the experiment and what I’m going to eat than what I’m experiencing in the moment.

Eight days in and I’m observing a feeling of isolation and loneliness with the dietary part of the experiment. I was sitting with my meditation group and one of the folks brought in some homemade cookies for the talk afterward. I was the only person not to have any because of the dairy and wheat in them. I’m feeling a lot more empathy for folks who through some medical condition have to change their diet and the resistance they encounter in society. The saturation of these products in food has been a real eye opener.

I’ve come to the end of the experiment and from the media hiatus standpoint I find myself reluctant to dive back into the water. For 2 weeks I’ve been viewing nothing on the T.V., radio, or the Internet except for checking on the weather, and deleting Spam from my email accounts. Where I’ve definitely missed watching the Hockey playoffs I have not found myself in some state of withdrawal over the rest of it. I did not lunge for the mouse to click on HuffingtonPost to get caught up on info I might have missed. My initial state of boredom got filled in getting a head start on the personal readings assignment for class and also sifting through music I might use for teaching a yoga class. I’ve also kept up on our laundry. Technically, I did not see any change in chronic pain that was part of the impetus to do this part of the experiment. That was whether the pain was a physical manifestation of psychological stress. But there was a subtle shift, or perhaps a reminder of what I already knew, that I have the say in whether to watch something or not. Sometimes in the tumult I forget that simple fact and get sucked in by making sure to tune in tomorrow and the next day and the day after that for updates that are not really updating anything. I did watch a hockey game after breaking the media fast, and my observations were that it was loud. I had to turn the volume down from where I would usually have it. Also, I found myself a step behind the action. Hockey being a fast moving game, I could normally keep up or know where the puck was going, even ahead of the camera. I was definitely behind the pace. I’ve read about silent meditation retreats where a person was silent for a year or something and could not comprehend spoken language for a time after returning from the retreat. I was not that radically shifted, but my experience with watching the hockey game reminded me of it.

Regarding the dietary changes consuming no dairy or wheat, the original test about whether it would affect my sinuses did not bring about any tangible results. Physically, I lost 7 pounds, and the suspected hypoglycemia dissipated. Like the media part, I did not dive in eating a pan pizza or a whole pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. The psychological affects were more apparent. A few years ago my wife and I did the South Beach diet, and I guess misery loves company, because doing this experiment alone was more isolating than the previous experience. I was able to eventually practice being with the experience and not labeling it as good or bad which diffused some of the whining impulse.  Also as I mentioned before, the awareness of the saturation of these ingredients in most foods has given me new empathy and respect for people who through personal choice or medical necessity have excluded these items from their diet.

As the sister science to yoga, Ayurveda plays a significant role in the Axis Yoga Teacher Training program. Students complete an experiment applying Ayurveda to their life to see how it effects their health and well-being. This student’s efforts to care for her Kapha dosha lead to a sense of awareness and empowerment.