Working Through Fear of Faith: Hypothesis #2

I started this program with some concrete beliefs that I’ve long held and was searching for a system to fit these beliefs into. But once I started to learn so much I lost track and started doing the reverse. I began taking outside beliefs and trying to find proof to help me have faith in them. I decided it was time to let go of my fear of faith and simply listen to what the Divine inside of me is saying. I therefore changed my experiment to focus on the application of what I’ve learned in this training program. My new hypothesis was that by focusing on what I do believe, rather than what I don’t believe, I can find deeper faith and peace than I can by searching for proof. My method for testing this hypothesis was to begin a practice that I will carry out beyond graduation from yoga teacher training. In essence, stop learning about being a yogi and start living like one. 

I began by writing out my core beliefs. This provided me with a foundation to build upon. I then designed a daily routine. This included my waking time, prayer, asana, pranayama, meditation, self-care and continued study of yoga texts.  For my meditation practice, I contacted Santosh for a recommendation on a mantra (he gave me Om Gum Ganapataye Namah) and purchased a mala of 108 beads to help keep me focused. I also set an intention to be present; to actively stop dwelling on anything past and not striving incessantly for the future. I let go of any expectations that I will adopt these changes perfectly at the start. I have been forgiving and kind toward myself, knowing that my practice will ripen over time. Finally, I created a schedule of yoga classes that I will attend once I’m no longer learning from Axis.