The Toxins Inside: Revelations

Many things occurred to me during this process.  Such as its ok to feel no matter how you’re feeling it’s ok to be mad or sad or lost or happy. Another realization made was this construct I project of someone watching me that is separate from me. This is probably some conditioning from growing up Christian, I stopped attending church when I was 14 though, and it surprises me that that idea is still present in me. I recognized that this ‘watcher’ is indeed me watching myself and there is no need to feel the need to impress this other watcher because it’s simply me. This made life seem rather surreal for a while, like I’m dreaming all the time, now I type that it does seem like a dream. Also occurred to me that Divinity and the Universe is all around me I am constantly shaking hands with the Divine Universe, constantly being enveloped by the all knowing and all creating. I’ve always enjoyed warrior II because of this idea that my fingers are reaching straight into Divine Essence and for me I can really feel that in my hands.  Somewhere within the experiment my parakeet died suddenly, I was rather upset that weekend and I left the Yoga room for a moment to recollect my thoughts, sitting on the steps thinking about how odd death is and life and that my bird and my Sarajo dog (she died earlier this year) are around me all the time now just not in a physical way and they are a part of the Universe so really they aren’t ‘dead’ they’re just ‘invisible’ to me right now.  Somewhere in these thoughts I found that I profoundly despised myself and I became determined to resolve my conflict with myself.