The results of my efforts have been rather odd. I feel that I am in a limbo and have been waking up wondering why I’m not excited and remembering the last time I was excited was when I was in Sri Lanka where I also underwent a time of having to drop everything I thought I thought and rewire how I think and feel.[ It’s interesting that throughout the experiment I would have perfectly clear and detailed scenes from moments in Sri Lanka where I learned something and that was significant for the present moment.] This morning I rather irritated by this lack of motivation and joy for life and sat pondering it for a moment and why it was so and how I could go about changing it when I thought, ‘I’m alive and I could die at any moment ‘ it’s rather morbid on the surface but it’s relieving and a bit funny for me, oh that’s right we’re going to die so let’s go with some puppies and the moose face dog (my brother’s chocolate lab) rather than stressing about anything or beating up on myself. Which brings me to my last point that I have not been myself at all lately and the clarity I have cultivated allowed me to see that the other day. I’m a usually looking for any opportunity to mess with my family or friends, I’m the one who puts flour on my hand and hugs you, no one suspects me except those who know me quite well, why would the quiet girl put flour on your shirt. I feel it is good and healthy to have acknowledged myself and what I’ve been doing to myself and go about changing it and seeing the lightness and Light in every moment rather than not knowing why I feel how I feel. Thank you for reading.
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