For my personal experiment I wanted to develop a consistent meditation practice. The first time I meditated was eleven months ago. I had this overwhelming need inside of me to meditate, even though I did not know how to meditate and did not know any one personally who meditated. So I began to meditate intuitively. I would sit at random hours of the day, I would use music and crystals during my meditations. I immediately began to have “interesting experiences” for lack of a better description. These experiences included but not limited to: intense spinning sensations, floating sensation, strong vibration, seeing lights and colors in my head, seeing geometry flying in my head, seeing the universe so clearly I felt I was floating in the midst of it and having what seemed like an external force pushing my body in all directions (should I have resisted it would have required muscle engagement). I practiced pretty consistently for about three months. My practice was partly driven by these “interesting experiences” I was having but was initiated for spiritual growth. Then I started working as a nurse full time and my practice started to dwindle. I wanted to maintain it, so I set my alarm, when it went off, I would literally roll out of bed, take a seat and meditate. This was not effective, I would doze off most of the time. Then I thought I would meditate before bed, this too was not effective as I was not consistent with it. And eventually I was not meditating at all.

Even though I accomplished practicing every day, it did not come without its struggles. The most notable one being getting up in the morning. I made a point to get to bed earlier but I still struggled. I did fine getting up the first couple of days and then it started getting harder for me. I would wake up tired and I just wanted to stay in bed a little bit longer. The next thing I struggled with was letting go of the “interesting experience” I had experienced previously. I had not only began to expect having those experiences but I wanted to have those experiences. I enjoyed them and had placed some spiritual significance onto them. I worked to let that expectation go because that is not what meditation is about and I don’t want to be attached to it that way. But it is hard for me to let it go because to me those experiences were very enjoyable and a part of me thinks if I do not have those experiences I am not meditating correctly. I do not know why I have that belief but that belief is there. So for this experiment I wanted it to be okay with myself to just sit and be knowing that that was enough. I am still working on that.