Tag Archive for: Aparigraha

Clearing out the Clutter: Introduction

When we began this journey of experimentation with the yamas and niyamas I was filled with excitement and a sense of hope.  Could this finally be the push I need to get rid of the clutter that is consuming my house?  Will I finally be motivated to make a positive change in my professional life?  In short, the answer was no, however, I was able to learn a great deal about myself in the process, and was even able to break down a few walls that I had previously built around myself.

First off, let me describe what I chose for each experiment and why.  The yama that I chose was aparigraha, or non-hoarding/non-attachment.  It immediately struck a chord within me.  I have always had a tendency to be a pack rat and save things that I may need one day.  I usually don’t ever find a need for most of these items, and on the rare occasion that I do, I can never seem to remember where they are hidden away.  I also hoard items due to their sentimental value, whether it is a gift from a loved one, or equipment from days gone by that sparks up nostalgia.  I have a difficult time throwing away an item that I no longer use, especially if it signifies a hobby that I may be interested in or that I hope to take up, but never seem to find the time.

As for my niyama, I had a much more difficult time trying to decide which one to adopt for the experiment.  Shaucha seemed to go hand in hand with cleansing my clutter.   Santosha and tapas were appropriate so as not to desire anything other than what I already had.  In the end, I settled on svadhyaya.  I have felt like I have been floating through life for the past few months, if not years.  This seemed as good a time as any to clear out the clutter in my closets, and hopefully the vritti in my head.  What is it that I want to be when I grow up?  The time is here.  I’m definitely a grown up, so it was time I finally answered that question, with aparigraha and svadhyaya as my tour guides.

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Clearing out the Clutter: Aparigraha

For aparigraha, I planned on spending at least 2 hours a week cleaning out one of the various cluttered spaces in my house, which include the spare bedroom, the garage, the basement, and the laundry room.  In addition, I resolved not to purchase any new items, so as not to add to the accumulation of junk in my home.  The third part of my experiment was that I would put together a garage sale and sell some of the items that I no longer needed, putting the money only towards debt repayment.  By doing all of this I hypothesized that I would feel lighter, not only in the space of my house, but also in my body.  I thought it would be difficult to start the process and part with items from my past, but I would feel great once they were gone, with no regret in their absence.  As for svadhyaya, I had no formal hypothesis, only that I would spend time visiting schools for massage therapy and search for a new job, as I have been unhappy and stressed in my current position.

The results were far from what I had predicted.  I had a very difficult few days at work, getting assaulted by one of our female clients.  I found myself so exhausted, both physically and emotionally that I had a difficult time getting started.  I made my 2 hour quota only 1 of the 3 weeks we practiced, with about a total of 2 hours invested in the other 2 weeks.  I never really got past the starting stage.  I was surprised that this feeling came, not from an attachment issue with throwing away my items, but more through an inability to do the work, or procrastination.  There was just so much stuff in the spare bedroom that I felt disabled by where to start.  I also failed to plan a garage sale, partly because I had not gone through all of my clutter, but mostly because I failed to recognize that my weekends were already full.  My apparent failure in these tasks only managed to add to the stress and anxiety that was already present.

There was a bright spot to this maddening experiment that made it all worth it.  I was able to abstain from bringing any new items into the house.  This was huge for me, because I tend to turn to “retail therapy” when I am stressed.  Even though my stress level was at its peak during this experiment, I did not spend money on anything other than necessities like gas, groceries, and the occasional dinner out.  My husband and I used to eat out for every meal, but were able to cut back on this significantly.  This boycott on shopping was difficult at first.  I had to try really hard to remind myself that I wasn’t allowed to make any purchases that weren’t absolutely essential.  By the end of the experiment, it was much easier.  In fact, I found that if I forced myself not to buy something, the urge to have that item passed.  Given time, I realized that I didn’t even really want nor need it, but that I just wanted the comfort it brought me to go shopping.  This goes for both small as well as large ticket items.

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Clearing out the Clutter: Svadhyaya

Getting started with svadhyaya was much easier for me.  I always have day dreams about going back to school and changing my career, which is a large reason I am involved in this yoga teacher training.  I took this opportunity to finally gather some information about local massage therapy schools, and to search for jobs online.  I was even able to visit schools and see their programs, and had a couple job interviews lined up.

Yoga training has made me hyper sensitive, and has brought to surface some character traits that I have pushed down for so long.  It has been both a blessing and a curse in many aspects.  At the culmination of this experiment I decided that it was time for me to quit my job, as it has become much like an abusive relationship.  I could no longer justify putting off my purpose in life merely out of guilt for leaving behind my job, my co-workers, and the clients.  The stress of earning money and meeting others’ expectations of me seems less important now than my own physical and mental well-being.

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Clearing out the Clutter: Conclusion

In conclusion, though I did not meet all of my expectations for this experiment, I found there were a lot of deep issues in my life other than disorganization.  Though it has been a difficult few weeks, I seem to be on a path now that will allow me to make positive changes in my personal and professional career, rather than continuing to drown in self pity over my situation in life.  Who knows?  Now that I am unemployed, perhaps I will finally find the time to clear out the spare bedroom!

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