Surrendering Control: Changing methods
So I changed my method. Now I was just going to try and be more conscience of my reactions. Change my attitude and my response, change my reality. And wouldn’t you know I got an opportunity to do that the very next day.
Woke up late at 6:15 instead of 6:00. 15 min not that big of a deal right? Wrong. That 15 min is what makes or breaks my morning. (CONTROL)
Get up in a hurry, through my clothes on, pull my hair back, brush my teeth, startle the kids awake “come on guys I overslept we need to hurry, get up and dressed, we have to go.”
Go and get the dogs to take them out thinking that the kids will get up and dressed while I take the dogs out. Wrong! Two of the four did what I asked, one got up and got dressed but instead of getting his stuff for school decided that he needed to find a toy, and one didn’t get up. Blood is now boiling, Ill I needed was for once for them to listen and do what I had asked that’s it and we still could have left on time. AHHHH! The time is now 6:55 and we should have left 10 min ago, one boy is still looking for a toy and the other is trying to walk out the door without his shoes. Oh my God! really! I am going to be so late for work. So I start panicking. Finally get everyone into the car and we take off. It is now 7:00. I should be dropping them off right now. My son looks at me and says “Mom why are you so upset?” I start into a rant of why I just really needed them to listen, now because we were late I didn’t get to make my lunch, I didn’t get my coffee, they were going to have to have pop tarts at the school for breakfast, etc. And wouldn’t you know I’m in the middle of my rant and I turn down the street and there is construction! OF COURSE. My kids start bickering about it was the boys fault that we are late, my daughter starts yelling at the traffic, and there was my “ah ha” moment. Look and what my CONTROL or actual LACK OF SELF CONTROL had done. My bad attitude had now affected and caused my kids to be having a bad day. It just clicked. My issues with everything had nothing to do with anyone else but me. I was creating my reality, and I really didn’t like it. So I took control of the one thing that I could, MYSELF. I looked at all the kids and stopped the yelling and bickering. “Guys it’s not the boys fault that we are late, it’s not the traffic, it’s me. I woke up late. I am sorry that I was frustrated, but can we please work together when we do run late, because that would help.” They all said yes. The street opened up and we got to the school by 7:10. Now to get them signed in and leave. Shouldn’t take that long right? Being that we had already had a very emotional morning each of my kids decided they needed a long hug and several goodbye’s. I looked at the clock 7:15. Well I am going to be late anyway, I can at least give my children what they need to have a good day. I hugged each of them and told them again that I was sorry for my frustration this morning, I love them very much and hope that they have a great day! I am finally back in the car by 7:20. It normally takes me 15 to 20 min to get from the school to my work. “Just let it go Terralar, you are never late to work, one time is not going to kill you.” I took a deep breath and said “I’m done, it’s all yours, I don’t want the control, I know where I want to go but the path is up to you, I will let go and just follow now.” I leave the school and make it to work by 7:30. Not one red light, not one car cutting me off, not one bit of traffic. WOW! What an overwhelming experience of peace.
Over the next few days I had more opportunities to remind myself to just let go. With each I had to take a step back, breath, and just surrender. But I have already started to see the benefits of just letting go.