Practicing Non-Grasping: Conclusion
When I started my experiment, I became downright tortured by this dynamic. I knew what I was doing, and didn’t know how to stop. I beat myself up, made a spectacle of myself in my plight when Santosh opened up the room for discussion, and still have no real idea how to resolve my sins. Because as much as stopping grasping is a noble goal, the only way I can see to approach it is in AVOIDING, like crazy, the situations that I associate with the behavior. Avoiding is its own form of grasping, right? I do think I did the right thing for my situation in keeping my job. But I also feel the tension in doing what has to be done even if what has to be done is basically flat-out wrong. I like to address this tension through activism, which also has a huge element of grasping thoughts, words, and behavior.
On Monday I do start a new job, whose tasks are noble and necessary and which compensates me comfortably. But I suspect that if I were to start my experiment over again next week, I would find more tortuously subtle forms of grasping that are just as hard to resolve given my nature, the culture I live in, and my family’s particular situation in the world. Yoga really is the gift that never quits giving.