When this experiment time was coming to a close I was asking myself what has changed for me and what has improved. At first I could not come up with anything and I felt like a failure. I wanted this to have some tangible significant impact on my life, I wanted some spiritual revelation or epiphany about what to do with my life. Expectation rises its head again. Yesterday I realized that I had become more aware of my being in one aspect and it is something that I am embarrassed of and do not want to admit. I recently became more aware of how I interact with people and distinctly that I sometimes say things that are sharp and not nice. I come off negative without realizing it. When I had this awareness about myself I was confused and embarrassed because this is not how I picture myself in my head. I am this way with my co-workers and my family and I am ashamed of it. So I put a plan in place for me and I recruited the help of my co-workers. I asked them if I said anything negative or not nice if they would call me out on it because for some reason I am not catching it myself. I am thankful that they were all up to the task and understanding. I am doing this so I can become more aware of my actions and words and how they affect people. I do not know if this awareness about myself came out of my meditation or not. But I am thankful to have been given this awareness, as painful as it has been, because I have already felt my personal growth from it.
I plan to continue my morning meditation and have no plans to stop it. I feel that it is so important for me to do. I feel I have barely touched the tip of the iceberg with my practice and I want to develop it much more. But I am glad to have started again and look forward to continued integration into my practice.