AHIMSA AHIMSA AHIMSA: Discovering Awareness

So many interesting discoveries were the result of this focus. The most significant and obvious would be the awareness that was cultivated around my unconscious patterns. Step one: catch the exact moment frustration or impatience made an appearance in the car with me. The very first day of the experiment I was waiting at a green light to turn left. I could go as soon as the three cars at the intersection had passed. The first two cars went by and the third seemed excessively sluggish. In a loud voice I started to whine, “GO” and at the exact moment the toxic ooze spilled from my mouth I remembered the experiment! Shocked at forgetting about it so soon I covered my mouth and whispered a very considerate “please.”

The observations that arose from catching these slips were very informative. First of all, I discovered I was not even that angry with others driving (which is indicative of yelling at inanimate red lights) or even in that much of a rush to get anywhere. I was just in a rush to not be in the car anymore.  I have many reasons and justifications for this, but I figured out that this attitude of resistance is the seed in which the hostility stems. I’m mad that someone is in my way only because they are keeping me in this thing I don’t want to be in longer than I might be if they weren’t in my way. Oh. Okay. It’s almost comical at that point. Once I realized this, the awareness carried me to a calm place beautifully. I was able to focus on my breath, come back to the moment, and stopped striving to get to the destination. I even questioned if I should switch groups to Aparigraha because this non-grasping seemed to be the answer in addition to the Santosha that arose. It was surprisingly easy to switch gears and no longer be affected so negatively by others driving. This shift in perception seemed to also be reflected in my reality. Suddenly people where no longer cutting me off or getting in my way. The observation gave rise to the insight of how much our mental states create the reality we experience.