One month ago I was living an unsustainable lifestyle. I awoke feeling exhausted, often hitting the snooze button “just one more time” two or three times in a row. Then, finally coming to, I would stumble to the kitchen to make coffee. At the end of the first cup of coffee, I could feel my eyes opening but by the end of the third cup, I felt exhausted again. That was my daily ritual, my previous attempt at sadhana.

When I committed to remove caffeine, alcohol and sugar from my diet, I knew that I would need to fill the emotional and habitual void with a new practice. Thus I began practicing the four purifications, a pranayama breathing practice, followed by a period of meditation every morning. This new ritual quickly became one of the best parts of my day. I started creating a rigid sleep schedule for myself based on my Ayurvedic body type and found that I was energetic when I woke up and began to prepare for meditation. That was a real novelty compared to the groggy hour or two I had been accustomed to before.

As time went on I continued my morning practice, I found that my energy would vary dramatically from day to say. Some days I would experience a surge of energy through my subtle body channels, nadis, and could even feel great light pouring from my body. Whereas other days, I felt like a lawnmower engine that would almost start, but finally after much effort just wouldn’t turn over. As the days went on and I eased into meditative reflection, I could see some of my patterns emerging from the background of “life as I knew it” and could see how they impacted my energy. The day after eating a spicy, greasy enchilada, I felt weak. After a poor night of sleep, I couldn’t get my mind to stop humming. I was beginning to see, through the mirror of my breath, the impact that these “non-incidents” were having on my energy for life. On days where my energy was low, my ego seemed particularly active and I was quick to find conflict in those who crossed my sense of self. Yet on days where my energy was pure and flowing, I found ease in all my actions.

As I look forward in my yogic path, I can see the need to further purify my body and lifestyle so I can maintain high levels of prana energy. I have experienced such profound variance in my ability to calm my mind with even subtle imbalances like a spicy meal and a late night that I can now sense the great transformational power of the niyamas. The practice of tapas has been a remarkable window into my own being and a perfect mirror as I continue to explore the gross and subtle aspects of bringing my life into yoga.